A good day was to be had….
And it was.
Until.
Until I was spoken to like a slightly retarded person, simply for the fact I am female.
This is how it went down:
[Vanessa draws in the interesting people to talk to at the pub. Not so much by flirting, but by sheer intelligence and personality. There is much frivolity and good, drunken conversation taking in all subjects, especially sport. The bartender calls last drinks and people start to say their goodbyes]
I don’t care how nonsensical this format is, I’ll try and express it the best way I can.
It pissed me the fuck off.
Although I didn’t bitch about it until I got in the car on the way home.
To Andrew:
“We’ll be listening tomorrow. You’re gonna talk about Squid, right? (punter’s nickname). Oh, sorry love, what was your name again?” [to me]
[I smile winningly with a warm handshake]
Vanessa.
They forgot my name?
Well, that’s ok….. until…..
“Hey you’re a crack! I like you! For a girl!”
Excuse me, moron says what??
Apparently I was popular because I can provide intelligent discourse about sport and any number of other topics.. Well, that’s all right. I’m a cracking bird. No worries.
The part that bothers me is “for a girl”.
I was happily taking part in all conversation, not thinking for a second that anyone was judging me…..
I am easily bored by feminist rhetoric, unless it affects ME.
I took it on the chin and didn’t make a scene…..
I was too shocked. I was having such a good time… I love male conversation, and giving my own unique, female perspective. I love that…..
I know I’m not the same as most other girls. I am very feminine, but I like talking about more than fucking pedicures.
Maybe I don’t get out enough.
I was offended.
“I like you. You’re good to talk to, for a girl”
Is it wrong that I feel slighted by this?
Which members of the suffra-sisterhood are letting me down?
I don’t think I should be a novelty.
I was treated like a second class citizen, in the nicest possible way…..
Aren’t we…
Aren’t we all PEOPLE?
For crying out loud,
Haven’t we got past this yet?
April 22, 2007 at 5:20 pm
Oh that is okay, Vanessa. He was okay too — for a misogynistic asshole.
April 22, 2007 at 10:50 pm
And see it is here where Ranna would become very sweet and sugary while she was giving him one hell of a tounge lashing. I have always had a flare for words. I would have said something like “I am so very happy that I meet the approval of one thoughtless twit such as yourself. The sheer thought of meeting your approval thrills me so, I don’t know how I will ever get to sleep tonight. My life long goal has been to meet the high standards of a misogynistic son of a bitch like yourself. Really you don’t know how much that means to me. Thank you, now I can die in peace! FUCKER” Yea something like that would have surely sprung from my mouth! I have no use for anyone who feels that they need to judge the opposite sex like this. God love you for being able to hold your tounge. I on the other hand would have then proceeded to inform him that without a girl his ignorant ass would not be here to make such a foolish comment. I had this problem with my ex-husband. He constantly degraded me because I was female. He didn’t think that I was capable of having an original thought. Funny the only stupid thing I ever did was marry him. HA HA! I simply cannot stand this type of person may it be male or female. Your Gender has nothing to do with your intelligence! This ludicrous attitude that he put forth would have set me off! LOL!
April 23, 2007 at 3:27 am
Yah. It took a little while to sink in that he’d said it. I’d had a lot to drink and it was the end of the night. Reflexes not quite what they ought to be, and all that. I’m surprised I managed to type that blog. Hah!
The thing was, he thought he was giving me such a compliment! There’s part of me that thinks I should just take the intent at face value….. but I’m really bloody annoyed about it.
I meet men like this every time I go to the pub, and some of them have been much worse than him.
I should stop going to the pub.
April 23, 2007 at 5:00 am
No love you just need a shirt like the one I wear to the pub. It says “Did I ask you to talk to me?” HA! I also have one that says, ” I try to please one person each day, I’m sorry today is not your day.” HA HA!! That usually keeps the fools at bay. I know what you mean though about stupid men making those kind of comments. That angers me!
April 23, 2007 at 5:22 am
I did not know that was real or existed, growing up. I am sure I had seen it it. But I could not interpret it. It was too far outside of the way my head worked for me to even see. And then one day I got it, I knew someone clearly absolutely thought women were inferior and so different they did not even qualify as “human” or “equal.”
I do not know how someone grows up to think that way I do not know how it could happen ever. I can see it now though when it is there.
Sometimes when someone says something like that thought he is just kidding. Be sure you distinguish.
April 23, 2007 at 8:24 am
Oh, you can always tell when they’re kidding. This guy’s expression was more like he was slightly amazed that a female could keep up with ‘men talk’. He was impressed, but expressed it in the clumsiest possible way. He really thought he was paying me a compliment. The fact he was impressed is kinda depressing…
Another thing was that I had initiated contact with all the men we were talking to and we had been happily conversing for around 2 hours. Way to end the evening…
It makes me wonder why they lowered themselves to speak to li’l ol’ me in the first place. Because I have breasts, perhaps? Here I was thinking I was an equal person all along… Silly girl.
I don’t understand how they grow up to think that way, either. This guy was in his late 30’s. There was one man there in his 60’s who I spoke to at length, and he had no chauvanistic overtones. So, we can’t point the finger at the generational aspect…
Those t-shirt slogans are hilarious, Ranna…. You must get a load of comments from people… Or are they just frightened? hah!
April 23, 2007 at 8:44 am
That guy was bottle fed. On powdered milk.
April 23, 2007 at 9:04 am
Quite.
Is it wrong that I like to eat powdered milk with a spoon?
April 23, 2007 at 9:08 am
Yes. Do not tell anyone that.
Wait. Too late.
April 23, 2007 at 9:19 am
Shit.
I’m ruined!
[cries]
April 23, 2007 at 9:27 am
I was taught that men and women were equal and then I learned that it was a lie….women are much better!
Dumb guys need to feel like they are in a club and they are ………..they are in the no girl wants you for keepers club……so they think they made up a no women rule mearly because no women were around…….
April 23, 2007 at 9:31 am
It will still be okay. There is that really funny post about what you were not allowed to do at work. That so should have been in the Celluloid Blonde awards post. I am going to add that in.
April 23, 2007 at 9:37 am
Jennifer: I dig your theory on the ‘no woman rule’. Hah. You make a fine point. One does wonder what women would want a man who thinks that way. They do seem to breed, though….. Most disturbing.
max: Me? Really? Oh, I feel so…. special, now. And I’m not even being facetious. I’m not quite sure where to put myself… Ooh! Ooh! Yay! I shall be right over…
April 23, 2007 at 9:42 am
Of course you. That was funny as hell. I was frazzled or it would have gone in there in the first place.
April 23, 2007 at 10:36 am
Oh no, Vanessa, we’re not quite there yet, to equality, unfortunately. I still hear unpleasant remarks about women, especially in the financial world where it’s still 100% (almost) men. I still remember a bad interview with a guy who treated me like a child.
April 23, 2007 at 12:31 pm
I think in his own small minded way it was a compliment. Not a very bright thing to say. He may have been drinking too much also. It obviously shows his attitude about women.
“I was taught that men and women were equal and then I learned that it was a lie….women are much better!”
Comments like this don’t impress me much….
April 23, 2007 at 1:22 pm
Oh, modobs, I’m sure you do. It’s easy to forget that we aren’t there sometimes, then have quite a rude shock when some man makes a comment such as that. It must be rife in the financial world. How do you deal with it?
Art: I agree that he meant it as a compliment. The intent was there, but it’s almost impossible to take it as a positive. It does indeed show his attitude towards women.
I wouldn’t like that comment if I were you, either. It’s kind of reverse sexism, but I know Jennifer wasn’t talking about you
.
Men and women. Yin and yang. It’s how we are made. I just wish everyone would see that.
April 23, 2007 at 1:24 pm
I apologize Jennifer. I am not in a great mood this morning. Sometimes the double standard bothers me.
I am sorry.
April 23, 2007 at 1:30 pm
Aw, you’re alright, mate.
I do know what you mean about the double standard. I think sometimes women lash out because we’ve been putting up with this crap for our whole lives….
Ah, did you receive a certain email? I’m sorry you’re not feeling the best…
I think I need to go and lie down for a while. All the conflict has worn me out…. I just hope I can manage to dodge any more random attacks on my psyche. [sigh]
April 23, 2007 at 1:42 pm
Nope. No email. you can check out my blog.
Cheers!
April 24, 2007 at 1:35 am
Sounds like you need some I Blame the Patriarchy (on my sidebar). “For a girl” is code for “I think women are lower than dirt but you seem okay.” Sort of like how racist people get all excited about “articulate black men,” as if they’re rare or something (WTF?).
I hate it when men call me “bright.” Dogs and children are bright, not fully grown women. ARRRRRRRGH.
April 24, 2007 at 2:54 am
Yah, that’s pretty much how I read it. It’s hard to take it any other way, no matter how good his intentions were.
‘Articulate black men’! Oh, that’s a beauty. On a par, I would say. Although, not to downplay racism, but we are an entire gender…. oy…
I know plenty of men who don’t behave or think this way, but the ones that do, do not make it easy for the rest….. or for us!
“Bright”. hehe. You’re so right…. I shall check out your link.
April 24, 2007 at 12:44 pm
How do I deal with all the machos in the financial world ? Well, I have to respect a certain vestimary code for that when I go to meetings/ press conferences/ interviews. No cleavage, no provoking clothes. I had once the bad idea of putting a cleavage (not a big one, though) and I still remember the guy, a 45 year-old fund manager, who couldn’t keep his eyes off my chest. The interview was a total disaster, and my chief editor (a woman) was mad at me for messing this interview. I still fear to cross roads again with the guy. Maybe I should do a post about all my disastrous experiences as a female financial journalist.
April 24, 2007 at 1:05 pm
The quarterback of my state’s women’s professional football team is also a teacher & coach at my son’s high school. A couple of guys were tossing the ball back and forth to her, and after she retrieved an errant throw by one of them, she started to pass a really long one back.
They yelled “you’ll never get it that far!”
They didn’t have any idea who she was, but after she threw it over their heads in a nice, tight spiral, I looked at them and said “Wow… she really throws like a girl.”
April 24, 2007 at 2:19 pm
modobs: I think you should absolutely write a post about that. Very interesting, indeed…. and I’m sure a lot of us could relate to some of what you’ve been through. I used to come across it in radio, also – even though I was the number one announcer at the station. I was still left out of certain meetings and not privy to information, because they didn’t think to include me. I was the only female.
It’s kinda sad that you can’t dress how you please, but dressing conservatively is obviously the right thing to do if you want to be taken seriously in the corporate workplace.
Firm: Hahahaha. Nice one.
Unfortunately, I do throw like a girl…… Ooh! How un PC of me…
April 26, 2007 at 1:20 pm
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