Far Too Random For A Cohesive Title

Woah.

My eyes are going crosseyed and my shoulders are super tense from typing.

Typing what, you ask?

I finally came to realise yesterday, what a bloody good thing is flickr.

I’ve had an account for a while, but haven’t really used it until now. I was having a poke around the site and was impressed with the easy and logical methods as to which you can organise your photos. Also, they’re stored online whether you pay your bill or not. This is heartening and to me, a lot more comforting than my non-existant dodgy backup methods.

I also realised pretty quickly that the free account wasn’t going to cut it for the volume of photographs I keep on my computer. I upgraded to the Pro account and since yesterday, I’ve uploaded, labeled and categorised 350 photographs… and I’ve barely touched the surface.

Tonight I was uploading photos from a trip to Sydney last year, and I noticed something strange. Literally as my photographs were being uploaded, people were looking at them. Freaky. The more I uploaded, the more the individual photo view count increased, within seconds of uploading.

I’m bloody glad they you can adjust the settings for who can view what, although I have to admit I did get a bit of a thrill from people actually being interested in my boring holiday photos, heh.

I was given the gift of Photoshop a couple of weeks ago, and it’s got me all gooey about taking photos again. Although, what I’ve been uploading to flickr, is mostly archival to this point. Check out my page if you’re having trouble sleeping, heh.

It’s 3am and I’m done with flickr for today.

In lieu of something more interesting, here are some photos I took of a truck that rolled over on the Mitchell Freeway recently. I thought it was pretty exciting….

As you can see, emergency services were out in force. It made a big bloody mess. Thankfully nobody was hurt.

Yes, I am taking photos and driving on the freeway at the same time. Don’t ty this at home, kids.

It’s around this time that I’m feeling rather smug for driving north at the right time. Those people would have been stuck there for hours. And I mean, hours. The jam went on for miles, too.

Other than that, I’ve not energy for much although I’m feeling quite spiffy from a few glasses of the ol’ strawberry champagne….

Here is a list of music I joyfully downloaded on the weekend:

Emilie Simon – Ice Girl
Emilie Simon – Femme FataleEmilie Simon – Je N’Veux Pas Rester Sage
Emilie Simon – Fleur de Saison
Emilie Simon – Le Desert
Emilie Simon – All Is White
Emilie Simon – Flowers
Marvin Gaye – Praise
The Jam – The Butterfly Collector
The Jackson Five – Looking Through The Windows
Pulp – Cocaine Socialism
Brian Eno – Another Green World
Curtis Mayfield – Trippin’ Out
Gang of Four – To Hell With Poverty!
The Verve – On Your Own
Geordie – All Because Of You
Dusty Springfield – How Can I Be Sure?
Dusty Springfield – Wishin’ and Hopin’
Nick Drake – Tow The Line
Charlotte Gainsbourg – L’un Part L’Autre Reste
Charlotte Gainsbourg – Little Monsters
Charlotte Gainsbourg - The Songs That We Sing
Charlotte Gainsbourg – Morning Song
Coldplay – Bigger Stronger
The Osmonds – One Bad Apple
Lulu – The Man Who Sold The World
Jona Lewie – You’ll Always Find Me In The Kitchen At Parties
Chris Spedding – Motor Bikin’
Phoenix – Long Distance Call
Phoenix – Run Run Run
Phoenix – Too Young
Phoenix – If I Ever Feel Better
Arctic Monkeys – Bigger Boys And Stolen Sweethearts
All Saints - Black Coffee
Joy Division – Dead Souls
Nick Lowe – Cruel To Be Kind
Dave Edmunds – Girls Talk
Talking Heads – Crosseyed And Painless
Talking Heads – Radio Head
Outkast – Two Dope Boyz (In A Cadillac)
Kings Of Convenience – I’d Rather Dance With You
Kings Of Convenience – Misread
Kings Of Convenience – The Weight Of My Words (Four Tet Instrumental Remix)
Heaven 17 - Let Me Go
ABBA – The Day Before You Came
Razorlight – Before I Fall To Pieces
Razorlight – America
Razorlight – Golden Touch
Razorlight - Stumble And Fall
Anita O’Day & Gene Krupa – Side By Side
Time Bandits – Endless Road
The Finn Brothers – Won’t Give In
Britney Spears – Breathe On Me (Jacques Lu Conts Thin White Duke Mix)
The Toys – A Lover’s Concerto
Air - How Does It Make You Feel?
Air – Alpha Beta Gaga
Air – Surfin’ On A Rock
Johnny Wakelin - In Zaire
Gorillaz – Ghost Train
Judy Street – What

Music makes me happy. You may have guessed.

Song Of The Day – Talking Heads – Crosseyed And Painless

Search Me. I Dare You…

Something I have noted with keen interest, since I started this blog, is the growth in number and evolution (for want of a better word) of search engine terms people have typed, to end up on my blog.

For some time, they were fairly run of the mill. Of course, once I started bringing sex into the equation, no matter how benign the reference, things began to get interesting.

For a while I was seeing copious results for “huge tits”. There must have been a couple of hundred at least, over the space of about two months.

There was a point when I realised “huge tits” was being replaced by “sweaty breasts”. Huge tits I could understand, but sweaty breasts? No idea…

It seems that “sweaty breasts”, has now, for all intents and purposes, been replaced by “bruised tits”.

Although I know how (see comments), they got here by searching for that term , I’m somewhat disturbed by the volume of enquiries and the violent implications of such a fetish. I don’t like it. It hurts to think about it – especially at this time of the month. Anytime.

Speaking of disturbing things, the under age enquiries of a sexual nature are so far from welcome……………………..

If you’re here for anything like that and you’re still reading, piss the fuck off right now. Instant Karma’s gonna get you……

Then, there is the interesting evolvement of the bondage/fetish queries. I get a lot of those. A LOT. The thing about the bondage queries is that they started off quite innocuous, as far as bondage queries go, but there has been a recent shift.

Allow me to illustrate with a few choice examples:

brown showers – If it wasn’t for Stiletto mentioning it in my comments, I’d have no idea this was so common…

bondage shitting

bondage india

muslim bondage

british bondage – obviously we’re culturally specific with our bondage fetishes…

wedding bondage

cast bondage

fetish colonoscopy – I didn’t expect to see this one. I’ve had more colonoscopys than I care to remember, and I’ve never, ever found it a pleasurable experience…

bondage cake – please explain?

furry in bondage

hot women taking a shit – ok…..

sink plug gag bondage

apple bondage – leave the apples alone! Poor apples…

face alfoil

puke bondage – oh, now please. You might want to see someone about that.

milking machine bondage

ice bondage female

grandpa bondage – go grandpa! hunh….

mummy bondage – are we talking mummys as in egypt, or is this yet another Oedipal complex?

********************

There are variations on all of these, but it’s becoming more and more puzzling, because I’m not quite sure how most of them end up here. I really don’t talk all that much about sex. Or, do I?

Naturally, I’ve just made it 10 times worse by posting all these again. Isn’t it fun?

We shall see.

Feel free to post some of your own search oddities.

I’m curious.

What’s a blog of mine without pictorial diversion? Here’s one for the coffee lovers….

Yeah, I hate coffee…

 

 

Song Of The Day – Blondie – Pretty Baby

Yacht Rock #8

It’s been a while…

My apologies for the break, even though it’s pretty much only Jules and I who really understand the power of smooth music.

See? You didn’t get that either, did you?

Nevermind. There are others who love the taste of cheese. Extra sharp vintage cheddar. That’s what I’m talkin’ about.

It is time for Yacht Rock Episode 8 – Gino (The Manager)

Flashbacks can be so gloriously telling.

It started with a vision… I will say no more…

Yacht Rock 1 – “What A Fool Believes”
Yacht Rock 2 – “Keep The Fire”
Yacht Rock 3 – “I’m Alright”
Yacht Rock 4 – “Rosanna”
Yacht Rock 5 – “I Believe In It” & Yacht Rock 6 – “The Seed Drill”
Yacht Rock 7 – “I Keep Forgettin’”

 

Yacht Rock Online

Coming in Episode Nine – Could this be the end of smooth music as we know it? I really mean it this time…

 

 

Song Of The Day – David Bowie – D.J.

Vinyl Beauties 4

Is it just me, or has it it been really quiet around here lately?

I’m half expecting to see a tumbleweed roll across my screen…

Anyway, like it or not, it’s that time again.

Time for more glorious artistic cheese in the form of Vinyl Beauties.

Vinyl Beauties 1
Vinyl Beauties 2
Vinyl Beauties 3

 

Let’s play.

 

 

I’m a little confused. She’s run out of tissues? There’s a touch of the Ponds Institute about this.

I don’t think I’ve ever come across a brand of toilet paper that I’d want to drag across my face, save for err…. running out of tissues when I have a cold. Is this a real advertisement?

(And yes, I do know who Lard is. Doesn’t change the fact this is a slightly odd album cover…)

 

It’s always nice to have a family Optometrist, don’t you think?

A hairdresser in the family is also a bonus.

I’m tuning into “Where Are They Now” from now on. If anyone can tell us what happened to these child stars, it’s Mel and Kochie.

By the way, can someone tell me what a “Hofer” is? Anyone?

 

There is a holiday for Percussion? Brilliant.

I’m always up for a day off work, count me in. I have a wicked tambourine.

I can play it, too. Topless.

 

Ooh. This one asks all the hard questions.

Does it mean that if you are a Christian, your lifeless body will end up in an ugly coffin with an excitable ruched trim? I have to say that this is not an appealing option to me. The curtains do not help.

Apparently it’s a “message”.

Is it just me, or does this read like a threat?

 

Far out! That’s where I’ve been going wrong.

You see, I like jazz. I like swing, and some big band, but most modern jazz leaves me cold. That was until I saw the range of headwear available for the “jet set” jazz listener.

The boots are pretty cool, too.

[adds Dave Pike to her download list]

 

So, that would be all for this edition of Vinyl Beauties. Please feel free to leave your own interpretations…

I love you.

 

 

Song Of The Day – Turin Brakes – The Door

Asking for Five is Relative…

I am overcome with a distinct lack of creativity this evening, coupled with a waxing and waning current of melancholia.

I was going to post another edition of Vinyl Beauties, but I just can’t be arsed.

So, in light of my self indulgent fancy, I’m posting the “5 Things” meme, that Max prompted the other day.

Here goes:

What were you doing 10 years ago?

Drinking, dancing and babysitting working with hanging around with a string of smelly rock stars and dodgy media types.

What were you doing 1 year ago?

Preparing to move house and thinking about divorce. Other than that, pretty much what I’m doing now.

Five Songs That You Know All The Lyrics To.

Only five? There must be thousands. I’ll take a slightly different tack on this one and post the actual songs. Five out of my canon of favourites:

(I don’t expect you to watch any of these, but you might be pleasantly suprised if you do… )

1. Datarock – Computer Camp Love

Thanks to modobs for posting the video (which I hadn’t seen until now) on her blog and putting this song forefront in my feeble mind today. I still think the song works better without the visual, but maybe that’s just me…

Those crazy Norweigans. Scandinavian’s are nuts, I tell you. I mean that in the nicest possible way…

2. David Bowie – Queen Bitch

An old favourite. Love the boots, or die. The show this video is lifted from, was recorded in the year I was born and not seen or released for public consumption until a couple of years ago. It’s never too late. Such a great song. It’s not hard to see how coked Bowie is at the end…

3. The Bureau – Only For Sheep

I just love this song. An early ’80’s lost classic.

4. Turin Brakes – Pain Killer (Summer Rain)

The first song I ever heard from my favourite band of all time. These boys saved my life and they know it. Lucky me. Maybe I’ll tell you about it some time. I can not tell you how much I love Turin Brakes…. and this song make me fuzzy long time.

Isn’t Olly a honey?

5. Rolf Harris – The Court of King Caractacus

I know there are other people out there who can sing this song from start to end, but I’m the only person I know who can. Everybody loves Rolf. Why else would anyone take the time to make a video like this? And yes, that is Rolf…(who is originally from Perth)

Five Things You Would Do If You Were a Millionaire.

1. Use my wealth and might to inform not only the wider public, but also the mostly clueless medical fraternity of the dangers of psychotropic medication, by launching the mother of all lawsuits against the every pharmaceutical company responsible for the manufacture and marketing of such dangerous, brain altering chemicals. It wouldn’t give me back the last five years of my life, but it might save some others.

2. TRAVEL. Who wouldn’t? I would base myself in London, retread Europe and skip across the Atlantic to take a leisurely stroll around the US to get smashed with my online friends. Morocco also looks nice.

3. Buy a lifetime supply of incandescent light globes.

4. Buy a fucking house. The median house price in Perth has risen to $500,000 in the last year. Why do I live here again? It’s only the most isolated capital city on the planet. How is that attractive?

5. Sponsor a gazillion children in third world countries. And cats.

Five Bad Habits

1. Smoking when I drink. [takes a satisfying drag on her Dunhill Blue]

2. Reading paragraphs backwards in the vain belief that I might actually understand what I’m reading.

3. Procrastinating. I’ll elaborate on that later.

4. Self destruction. Make of that what you will.

5. Drunk commenting… or blogging. Ahem.

Five Things You Like To Do
(Choose your own order of preference.)

1. Fall asleep with a purring pussycat curled around my head on my pillow, with his chin on my temple and paw on my cheek. Zzzzzzz…..

2. Absorb information. Whether I can remember it later or not, is another matter.

3. Listen to music I’ve never heard before and find something new to love.

4. Swim naked.

5. Think about sex.

Five Things You Would Never Wear Again.

(I try to never say never, but if you insist…)

1. Flouro. Anything.

2. A g-string. That’s a “thong” for you American speaking people. “Thongs” to Aussies are what you may call “flip-flops”. Confused yet? The sensation of a permanent wedgie does nothing for me.

3. Clip-on earrings. They are of the devil.

4. Anything clothing or accessory-wise, that was fashionable in the ’80’s.

5. An earring in the cartilage of my ear. I am haunted by memories of such pain that even the slightest touch would make me scream. To this day, I thank Simon for getting me drunk with the sole purpose of ripping that evil barbarity out of my delicate little shell.

Five Favorite Toys

Well, some…

Firstly, we have Bungo. Bungo is a Womble, for the unitiated. He sits next to my monitor for a good reason. We understand each other…

Sorely neglected, but always in sight…

It cuts the cheese.

I have a thing for fibre optic lamps. I have two.

The lamp I bought at an antique shop a couple of years ago. The wall hanging, I found lining the bottom of a camphorwood chest in my father’s flat, after he died. My grandfather brought it back from Egypt in World War II. It was in perfect condition, thanks to its lengthy seclusion. I love it.

I could go on a bit more about toys, but that would be telling…

If you read this, consider yourself tagged. Unless you can’t be arsed. I’m completely in touch with that.  I’m going to go and hit myself in the head wth a blunt instrument.

 

Song Of The Day – Iggy Pop – (I’m) Bored

It’s All About the Hair

 

What you are about to see is a photo of my mother and I on my first day of school, aged 5.

A really quite embarrassing photo.

We lived in Sydney at the time and within a few months we would be moving to London.

My mother had the bright idea that having my hair cut in the most hideous, nerdy bowl cut possible, would somehow make me more scholarly.

How wrong she was.

It just made me look like a dag.

(Just for the record, she is completely unrepentant to this day…)

Note my facial expression of abject terror. I seriously look like I’m about to cry and I haven’t even left the house yet. Well, wouldn’t you if you had a haircut like that? Actually, I really don’t remember my first day being all that traumatic. I was a little trooper as a kid. I swear. Not the sook you see before you. No sirree.

Well, ok. I might have cried. A bit.

I miss that case. How I loved my Globite schoolcase. It made me feel super and terribly important.

It’s funny, you know. I have a lot of photos of me as a kid and in most of them I look as cute as a button – while in others I look like I got hit with the ugly stick.

I know what that is…

It’s all about the hair!

Allow me to illustrate.

Here’s another photo of me taken a couple of months down the track. Kudos to my mother for giving up on the hairstyle:

See?

The glasses are cute. Sh’up.

You can kinda tell by the pose that every time I wore that jumpsuit (I had a brown one too – nice) , I used to strut around thinking I was hot stuff.

And with my new and improved hairstyle, I was a confident, outgoing-bordering-on-precocious, little Miss.

Here are a couple more examples…

Bad hair = ugly, bad tempered child:

 

Good hair = happy little cutie:

You see where I’m coming from?

 

I suspect there might be something vaguely profound in that (or completely superficial, for that matter), but I’m buggered if I know what it is…

If you come up with anything, let me know…

 

 

Song Of The Day – Pavement – Cut Your Hair

 

I Got Flowers!

I am overjoyed.

No, nobody gave me flowers. I would be too busy dying of a heart attack if that happened, to post a blog.

I have flowers in my garden. Flowers that I planted myself.

FOR REAL, TRUE BLUE, FAIR DINKUM…

flowers.

I know it’s not quite normal to get excited over a few flowers. The world is full of flowers, after all… but if you had my appalling track record when it comes to having a level of responsibility high enough to keep a plant alive, you too would be excited. I could murder a plant at 20 paces just by looking at it. I’ve even killed a freaking cactus.

Strangely enough, I’ve never had the same problem with weeds…

I’m dead impressed that most of my bulbs have come up. Half the tulips are yet to be seen, but the jonquils are flowering already and the hyacinth’s are bursting forth.

Oh, check out the carrots. Remember the first one I pulled? You can just see that they’re ALL going to look like that. Poor little carrots.

Did you like my little slideshow? Apologies if the spinning photo’s made you dizzy, but they remind me of that spinning segue effect in the original Batman and I couldn’t resist. You gotta love the original Batman. Here’s the trailer for the 1966 movie. If you’ve never seen it, it’s a must. Hilarious.

Watch out for the Exploding Man Eating Shark. Holy sardine!!

Fantastic.

 

 

So.

 

I have now given birth to vegetables, flowers and cats.

 

Next stop……….children!

 

Eh, maybe not.

 

I don’t think anyone who includes Batman and carrots in the same blog, is qualified to be a parent.

 

 

 

Song of the Day – The Captain Matchbox Whoopie Band – If Youse A Viper

I Rock and I am a Girl

So says Jennifer.

And myself, if truth be known

Here’s the proof:

 

I’m to put this on my page. I feel so special.

 

Like this chick, who people tell me so often I look like. Heh:

 

Here is where it all started.

 

Now, I am to bestow this honour on a few other Rockin’ Girl Bloggers. All up for the sisterhood. Yah.

 

A short list:

 

……why paisley????

 

Dipping Into The Blogpond

 

Nothing Ever Happens To Me

 

What’s Love Got To Do With It

 

There. That ought to start the ball rolling in fruitful directions….

********************

 

I took the Hotlanta Kink Test for the first time in a couple of years and blow me down if I didn’t get exactly the same score as I did when I took it the last time.

Rockin’ Girls take those kind of tests. Right?

 

My score:

492: You are definitely a kinky player.

 

Believe me, that is not all that bad. Kind of middling, in fact.

Take it yourself here and find out.

Oh, and for goodness’ sake, let me know your score. I am a voyeur after all.

 

Speaking of things of a kinky nature, this is a woman in a very unfortunate situation with a spring loaded gag in her mouth. She could be quite pleased about it (doubtfully), but it gives me a compulsion to call my dentist every time I look at it. Not to mention the dreams about broken teeth…

 

 

Could I possibly find a segue from a spring loaded gag to my list of recently downloaded songs? Probably, but I’m tired…

 

Squirrel Nut Zippers – Hell
Squirrel Nut Zippers – Anything But Love
The Kingston Trio – Greenback Dollar
The Kingston Trio – Scotch and Soda
The Kingston Trio – Hang Your Head Down Tom Dooley
Tex Williams – Smoke! Smoke! Smoke that Cigarette
Grinderman – No Pussy Blues
John Butler Trio – Good Excuse
Anita O’Day & Cal Tjader – It Shouldn’t Happen To A Dream
Jenny Wilson – Hey, What’s The Matter?
Jenny Wilson – Let My Shoes Lead Me Forward
Elvis Costello – Accidents Will Happen
Midlake – We Gathered In Spring
The Ink Spots – Java Jive
Sarbel – Yassou Maria
Prince – Musicology
The Andrea True Connection - More, More, More (How Do You Like It)
Karolina Goceva – Mojot Svet
Roger Cicero – So Geil Berlin
Roger Cicero – Frauen Rigieren Die Welt
Michael Franti & Spearhead – Rock The Nation
Michael Franti & Spearhead – Ganja Baby
R.L. Burnside – Let My Baby Ride
Les Fatals Picards – L’Amour A La Francais
Cream – Strange Brew
Red Hot Chilli Peppers – By The Way
The White Stripes – Icky Thump
K.C. and the Sunshine Band – Keep It Comin’ Love
Tori Amos – Silent All These Years
Tori Amos – Enjoy The Silence
Tori Amos – Winter
The Black Crowes – Remedy
Electric Six – Gay Bar
Stone Temple Pilots – Interstate Love Song
At The Drive-In – One Armed Scissor
The Strokes – You Only Live Once

4291 songs on iTunes. I need to rip more cd’s.

That is all. Carry on.

 

 

Song Of The Day – Bauhaus – Bela Lugosi’s Dead

 

 

I Am Not Dead (Yet)

I have been sick.

Sicker than sick.

As sick as sick can be.

I am still sick.

It’s been 13 days now.

I’ve had enough.

[cough, splutter]

At least I am no longer coughing up blood. That was not fun.

Tonsillitis. And the Flu. And a generalised infection.

I haven’t felt this sick since I had Glandular Fever (Mono). I was in hospital for two weeks. Mainly because I had Viral Meningitis as well, but I was sick for months that time.

I hate being sick. [grumble, grumble]

Thankyou to everyone who has missed me. It feels good to be missed.

This is me:

This happened a lot when I was at my worst:

Breathing made me cry. Don’t even talk about swallowing…

NOTHING helped (except the antibiotics). All these drugs are a ruse by the pharmaceutical companies to make a load of cash out of people’s suffering. Take note.

I have done nothing but sleep and watch television and movies for 13 days. This is what my eyes look like now:

Here is a list of movies I have watched. Some I barely remember due to my state of semi-lucidity, but I’ve seen most of them before anyway. Some of them more than a few times:

Mildred Pierce

T.I.S.M – Incontinent In Ten Continents

T.I.S.M – TV Primer

American Psycho

Bad Timing

The Virgin Suicides

Harold and Maude

The Taste Of Others

Sunset Boulevard

Inside Deep Throat

True Romance

In Her Shoes

ENRON – The Smartest Guys In The Room

Puberty Blues

Stoned

Love My Way – Series One

Monster

The 40 Year Old Virgin

I *heart* Huckabees

Shampoo

Don’t Look Now

Withnail & I

Hi Fidelity

Swing Time

The Birds

Shaun of the Dead

Thank You For Smoking

 

 

 

I will write more when I am able.

 

 

The cats always get the last word:

 

 

 

Song Of The Day – Tex Williams – Smoke! Smoke! Smoke That Cigarette