Something I have noted with keen interest, since I started this blog, is the growth in number and evolution (for want of a better word) of search engine terms people have typed, to end up on my blog.
For some time, they were fairly run of the mill. Of course, once I started bringing sex into the equation, no matter how benign the reference, things began to get interesting.
For a while I was seeing copious results for “huge tits”. There must have been a couple of hundred at least, over the space of about two months.
There was a point when I realised “huge tits” was being replaced by “sweaty breasts”. Huge tits I could understand, but sweaty breasts? No idea…
It seems that “sweaty breasts”, has now, for all intents and purposes, been replaced by “bruised tits”.
Although I know how (see comments), they got here by searching for that term , I’m somewhat disturbed by the volume of enquiries and the violent implications of such a fetish. I don’t like it. It hurts to think about it – especially at this time of the month. Anytime.
Speaking of disturbing things, the under age enquiries of a sexual nature are so far from welcome……………………..
If you’re here for anything like that and you’re still reading, piss the fuck off right now. Instant Karma’s gonna get you……
Then, there is the interesting evolvement of the bondage/fetish queries. I get a lot of those. A LOT. The thing about the bondage queries is that they started off quite innocuous, as far as bondage queries go, but there has been a recent shift.
Allow me to illustrate with a few choice examples:
brown showers – If it wasn’t for Stiletto mentioning it in my comments, I’d have no idea this was so common…
bondage shitting
bondage india
muslim bondage
british bondage – obviously we’re culturally specific with our bondage fetishes…
wedding bondage
cast bondage
fetish colonoscopy – I didn’t expect to see this one. I’ve had more colonoscopys than I care to remember, and I’ve never, ever found it a pleasurable experience…
bondage cake – please explain?
furry in bondage
hot women taking a shit – ok…..
sink plug gag bondage
apple bondage – leave the apples alone! Poor apples…
face alfoil
puke bondage – oh, now please. You might want to see someone about that.
milking machine bondage
ice bondage female
grandpa bondage – go grandpa! hunh….
mummy bondage – are we talking mummys as in egypt, or is this yet another Oedipal complex?
********************
There are variations on all of these, but it’s becoming more and more puzzling, because I’m not quite sure how most of them end up here. I really don’t talk all that much about sex. Or, do I?
Naturally, I’ve just made it 10 times worse by posting all these again. Isn’t it fun?
We shall see.
Feel free to post some of your own search oddities.
I’m curious.
What’s a blog of mine without pictorial diversion? Here’s one for the coffee lovers….
Yeah, I hate coffee…
Song Of The Day – Blondie – Pretty Baby
July 28, 2007 at 1:14 am
Wow, that’s some serious business. I wish I could get hits like that. The only time I get search engine traffic is when people misspell common words in an unironic fashion. Lame!
July 28, 2007 at 2:18 am
aren’t they funny.. i get a lot of little girl seekers… this is too weird….
July 28, 2007 at 5:53 am
Brian – You’re just going to have to sex it up a bit, I’m afraid. Robot bondage could be interesting…………
Paisley – Everytime I see one of those it makes me sick to my stomach. But the thing is… how does it happen? Neither you nor I post anything that could be vaguely construed in that way. I don’t even want to repeat the under age queries I’ve had, lest I encourage the seekers to come back…
I suspect what shows up on search engines is a little like one of those ransom notes made out of random words cut out of the newspaper. The words are totally out of their original context.
July 28, 2007 at 1:14 pm
Hmm, robot bondage, you say…
July 28, 2007 at 4:46 pm
I can hear the cogs turning from here…
July 29, 2007 at 5:16 am
Let’s put out some good keywords for them to work with. Robosexual. Vegetable sex. cucumber, nancy reagan sex,
Anyone else have any really horrible ideas?
July 29, 2007 at 12:47 pm
Hum, Vanessa, If I tell you what search engine terms people typed to get to my blog, I could contaminate yours with them. For the moment, I get a lot of emo and weird comments with it (all were deleted because too morbid). But I get sometimes a curious request: Do men really like the name Vanessa? Maybe you can tell me about it
July 30, 2007 at 2:01 am
maxwellhammer – Nancy Reagan sex! Brilliant. How about Barbara Bush sex? That’s got to be a goer… I’m always up for some new and unusual search results. It is highly entertaining at times…. Thanks for your comment (and the potential keywords, heh)
July 30, 2007 at 2:06 am
modobs – I had a particularly morbid one the other day that really worried me. I won’t repeat it, but it was someone looking to end their own life and the wording gave the impression they were serious about it. I felt helpless…..
I only get a few emo keywords which stem from one blog where gullybogan and I were making fun of them in my comments.
Are you saying you get search results for my name? Bloody ‘ell…. People do tend to like my name, but I’ve never seen it as a gender specific thing. I get a lot of people searching for “Vanessa” in various forms, but nothing too weird, usually….
July 30, 2007 at 9:31 am
I think I saw that comment too on my blog, Vanessa. I don’t know if it’s true, but I read some stories in several magazines about young people who tend to put their suicide act in a scene and film it. Geez.
And yes, I get search results for your name. I guess it’s really popular on the internet
July 31, 2007 at 3:55 am
I feel quite boring just getting here by the normal channels – and quite late at that…. having said that though, I feel positively vanilla compared to some of those options. *shudder*
July 31, 2007 at 4:01 am
I can’t help but think how disappointed all these people must be when they waste their click on me…
Yah, vanilla indeed…..
Hey, did you get my text this morning? Nevermind, probably no need to answer it now anyway…
July 31, 2007 at 4:09 am
Ahh, sorry. Just checked my phone now. I was swinging from the treetops this morning. Well not literally, but on a swaying bouncy bridge in the rainforest. Yay! Just got back home. I have some catching up to do on here. It’s been impossible to get online the last few days…
July 31, 2007 at 4:12 am
Wowsers… that sounds amazing! What were you doing there first thing in the morning, one has to ask…. We have a similar thing here down south in Walpole, but it’s not a rainforest, just very tall trees.
Yah, I’ve missed you luv…
Boo to Aleisha and double boo to 1%!!
July 31, 2007 at 4:20 am
The woman I go walking with went for a job interview and asked me if I wanted to go along for the ride. It was about an hour’s precarious drive up a mountain but well worth it once we got up there. So I had a look around and did a bit of the tourist thing while she went for her interview.
Oh bloody hell, I was so pissed off about Aleisha winning. They seemed to stuff up big time on the vote counting and were stalling for time in a big way. It was getting embarrasing… Don’t know if they fixed it up by the time they showed it there?
How about Michelle with that John Howard incident? Gawd…
I’ve missed you too!
July 31, 2007 at 4:24 am
Heh, the whole show was a disaster. It ran an hour over time. They ended up totally screwing up the order of things… and then at the end “the winner is… Aleisha! Ok, bye!” I thought it was pretty amazing how when the show started Zach was on 36%, then almost pipped her at the post. Damnnit!
Good Lord… Michelle… She lives in Perth, you know. I’m so proud…..
I am jealous of your rainforests. Yes, I am.
July 31, 2007 at 5:23 am
Yep, what a stuff up the show ended up being. Zach and Aleisha were probably the only ones who didn’t really know that… I wonder if they’ll dedicate a program to her and how she felt after winning? They should, it was such a sudden ending…
Hah! Maybe you will run into Michelle somewhere. Actually it’s highly unlikely as I doubt you and her move in the same circles. You’d have fair warning though as you’d hear her long before you see her, so I think you’re pretty safe.
I sent you a couple of rainforest pics.
July 31, 2007 at 7:09 am
Oh, I’m just waiting to spot her shouting her head off in her convertible. It’s only a matter of time…
Pics! Yay!
July 31, 2007 at 3:18 pm
You are so funny! Remember that quiz with the underwear and I wrote I don’t want to be granny panties….. well, I hate to tell you the search terms that brings….ha ha ha now you can have those too! ALso, alot of bend over and bottoms up because of that personal ad reply I posted……. So spank me if you don’t like it…….. That ought to do it for ya! ha ha
July 31, 2007 at 3:30 pm
hahah! oh no… I only talked about the panties quiz on other people’s blogs. Now I have another genre to add to the mix. Brilliant!
I reckon you’d get some funny ones, just because your posts can be so out of the box sometimes… I remember you saying you were getting a lot of kitten killing requests….?
July 31, 2007 at 10:49 pm
Grannies, kittens and now every anorexic in the world…. because of the thinspiration term I borrowed to get motivated.
I get a lot of weird ones using my name and that is hard to take sometimes. ” jennifer perry” ” bitch” LOL umm yep that’s me alright!
August 1, 2007 at 5:29 pm
Oh yeah, that’s the worst when it appears that someone has been searching for you specifically. I really, really hate that. Makes me all kinds of paranoid.
November 9, 2007 at 9:25 pm
External side is one official gambling. It’s rigid to be splashed! One sense has some molecular window. Free repaid a tax. A qualified level grimaced one minister quizzically. One sense is precariously separate.
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