Vanessa is…

 

The utterly glorious Mister Peace tagged me inadvertantly with his “google images” meme.

 

What is this, you ask?

 

Here are the rules:

1) Go to www.Google.com

2) Click on Google images

3) Type in your name and search

4) Repost (w/ a link) the picture of the oddest, craziest, strangest, coolest, oldest, etc. person that shares your name. Post multiples if you find a few you like. (See Below)

5) Pass it on to at least 5 other people.

 

As is my way, I don’t do tags by halves. I find them oddly inspiring. Probably because it’s a chance to wax lyrical about myself to my heart’s content.

So, here we have it.

I’ve always liked my name. Nay, loved my name. Not many people say that about their own name… but I suppose I can credit my parents for having immaculate taste. Mind you, I was almost called Miranda, which is also a lovely name, but my grandmother protested loudly, and I became Vanessa.

I have been told most often throughout my life, is that my name means, “butterfly”.

So, it’s quite understandable that for a long time, I believed that I was some kind of enigmatic butterfly, until I discovered that the name Vanessa, is just the name for a genus of butterly, like these:

I am all of these butterflys, and if that means that my name “means” butterfly, how could I complain? Butterflys are the epitome of delicacy and beauty…

Of course, that also makes me pupa and caterpillar, which strangely thrills me just as much, if not more…

I delved further.

 

Apparently, I am also shoes, which would please me no end if I had a shoe fetish, but then again maybe not, because you’ve got to admit, they’re not very spectaclar shoes…

 

It turns out, I am also a doll. A hot doll, no less. I am ever so pleased.

 

And some beautiful blooms. I can’t think of prettier flowers to carry my name….

 

 

This painting is called “Vanessa”, by Guy Morand. Does this make me his muse by default…?

 

I am also fluffy white cats. Only. No other colour need apply. Apparently.

 

Hey, I’m a computerised chess game! Which is pretty cool. I haven’t played chess since before my grandfather died when I was 9. Nobody has agreed to played with me since. I can’t help but wonder if there is a reason for that…?

 

Girlfriend! I’m a drag queen. Fabulous, darling! (you know it had to be a big photo with that outfit…)

 

And, as is the contrary nature of my being, I am also a strange piece of machinery related to the rotary process, whatever that is….

 

 

A somewhat groovy chair? It works for me. I do work with furniture, after all…

 

I am also Johnny Depp’s gorgeous, French pseudo ex-popstar girlfriend/partner/wife. Go, me!

 

And facial cleanser. I wonder if I could snag an endorsement?

 

 

Ships. Can you believe that all these ships are called “Vanessa”? Me neither. I like it. I love ships. And boats. Water is my element, all over. I dig it.

 

 

 

This one pleases me more than most. I love aeroplanes. A biplane called “Vanessa”. How many people can boast that? I wonder who inspired it?

 

 

But, I think above all, I will always remain a pygmy goat.

 

What is in your name?

 

(Don’t) Follow the rules, people…

 

Tag yourself.

 

 

 

Song of the Day – Turin Brakes – Forever

 

 

 

I Am An Addict

I have a confession to make.

I have developed an addiction.

An addiction to vintage handbags.

It’s always been there, but it’s grown to the point where I am seriously considering putting a ban on myself from logging into eBay ever again.

Then again, whatever makes you happy, right? It’s more fun and useful than collecting souvenir teaspoons.

I thought I’d show you my winning bids from the last couple of weeks. Who doesn’t like to look at pretty things?

This rather jolly looking 70’s number is a great size, in excellet condition and arrived on my doorstep from the UK this week. Needs to lose a certain musty odour, but at least that lets you know it’s not a fake.

Unlike this one:

…which I also now have in my possession and is NOT vintage, as advertised. Farkinell. You can’t bloody well trust anyone these days. The only reason I’m not going to kick up a fuss, is that despite the false advertsing, it is a lovely bag with very dense beading. I’ll definitely get some use out of it and I didn’t pay much.

 

 

Another 70’s vision, which also arrived this week. My mum had handbags like this when I was a kid. It’s leather, of course and very roomy. I took it out with me when I went out for lunch this week and I couldn’t be happier. Especially considering it only cost me AU$15.

 

 

So, not only do I have a fetish for vintage handbags in general, but also a fetish for pretty much anything made by Enid Collins in the 1960’s. This box bag is one of her creations. It arrived in the mail today and it is just about the cutest thing I’ve ever seen, much nicer than in the photo. Yay!

It’s also cute when you open it up….

 

And whilst we’re on an automotive tangent….

This is another Enid Collins (Collins of Texas) bag I managed to get my grubby little paws on. Woohoo!

 

 

This tooled leather 70’s bag was apparently once used in a movie. Which movie that was, nobody seems to be quite sure…. I’ll er… keep an eye out.

 

 

This one I adore. It’s so pretty and unusual. I’m already scoping out places to put it on display… Hmm. Maybe it will make a nice jewellery box…

Other perspectives:

 

And finally….

Another Enid Collins creation from the 60’s. So pretty…. [sigh]

 

 

So, you see why I need help? This infatuation is starting to get out of control. I wonder if there is a treatment centre for handbag addiction. I think I need some aversion therapy.

 

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to log into eBay…. to leave some feedback. Yeah, that’s it…….

 

 

Song of the Day – The Rezillos – Somebody’s Going To Get Their Head Kicked In Tonight

 

Vinyl Beauties 4

Is it just me, or has it it been really quiet around here lately?

I’m half expecting to see a tumbleweed roll across my screen…

Anyway, like it or not, it’s that time again.

Time for more glorious artistic cheese in the form of Vinyl Beauties.

Vinyl Beauties 1
Vinyl Beauties 2
Vinyl Beauties 3

 

Let’s play.

 

 

I’m a little confused. She’s run out of tissues? There’s a touch of the Ponds Institute about this.

I don’t think I’ve ever come across a brand of toilet paper that I’d want to drag across my face, save for err…. running out of tissues when I have a cold. Is this a real advertisement?

(And yes, I do know who Lard is. Doesn’t change the fact this is a slightly odd album cover…)

 

It’s always nice to have a family Optometrist, don’t you think?

A hairdresser in the family is also a bonus.

I’m tuning into “Where Are They Now” from now on. If anyone can tell us what happened to these child stars, it’s Mel and Kochie.

By the way, can someone tell me what a “Hofer” is? Anyone?

 

There is a holiday for Percussion? Brilliant.

I’m always up for a day off work, count me in. I have a wicked tambourine.

I can play it, too. Topless.

 

Ooh. This one asks all the hard questions.

Does it mean that if you are a Christian, your lifeless body will end up in an ugly coffin with an excitable ruched trim? I have to say that this is not an appealing option to me. The curtains do not help.

Apparently it’s a “message”.

Is it just me, or does this read like a threat?

 

Far out! That’s where I’ve been going wrong.

You see, I like jazz. I like swing, and some big band, but most modern jazz leaves me cold. That was until I saw the range of headwear available for the “jet set” jazz listener.

The boots are pretty cool, too.

[adds Dave Pike to her download list]

 

So, that would be all for this edition of Vinyl Beauties. Please feel free to leave your own interpretations…

I love you.

 

 

Song Of The Day – Turin Brakes – The Door

A Vibrating Addendum

I’m feelin’ the vibes, baby.

After my last post about vibrators, you ought to see how much search engine traffic I get containing the word “vibrator” now. Second only to “huge tits”, which comes in at around 100 or so search matches and climbing rapidly. The thing is, I’m still trying to work out exactly where I used the phrase “huge tits” anywhere in my blog. I assume it has something to do with the “Max Strikes Again” post, seeing as I did make mention of my bra size in that particular posting. Actually, it’s most likely in the comment section. Just like I get a tonne of traffic looking for the Sybian since Firm so thoughtfully mentioned it in a comment a while back. Sorry to disappoint you, people! Nothing to see here…

…although I daresay I’ve probably doubled my search engine traffic just by writing that paragraph. Hah!

Oh, the other thing about the “huge tits” result, is that I did a Google search on that very term myself and I was nowhere to be seen. Well, I gave up after about page 17, but who goes back that far? Must be some other dodgy search engine…

I have a couple of little gems for you. I meant to include them in the last post, but my wee pea brain forgot.

This advertisement is a cracker.

It is heartening, don’t you think, that the Hamilton Beach Vibrator is particularly helpful for “rubbing out the throbbing pain” and bringing “a tingling, cheerful glow that invigorates and refreshes”. But quite honestly, I don’t think I’d want that contraption anywhere near my delicate body parts…

Whilst we’re on the subject of sex toys that moonlight as household appliances, I recently came across (no pun intended, get your mind out of the gutter. Geez.) this little beauty:

It’s the (Vortex Vibrations) Vacuum Cleaner Sex Toy.

The inventor was cleaning her carpets when she noticed that a piece of rubber caught in the tube was gently resonating with the air flow. Next thing you know, she had come up with a prototype to jam on the end of her vacuum cleaner, that gave her an orgasm in ten seconds.

Ten seconds without even touching skin! It just works on air flow alone.

Well, that’s all well and good, but I’d think that would rather take the fun out of it. I mean, isn’t a large part of the joy in the journey?

Oh, but it can also apparently, give multiple, back-to-back orgasms lasting up to a minute at a time…

BUT WHAT ABOUT THE NOISE??

Seriously. I can barely stand being in the same room as a vacuum cleaner even when I’m not feeling like sexy time.

I think I’ll pass.

Here’s the commercial:

Why they got a man to give it the thumbs up, I’m still not sure. . .

Ok. I had other stuff to say, but I think that’s enough for today. And probably all I have to say on the subject of vibrators for a while. Maybe.

(Psst Tommy… Your wrapping instructions didn’t work…)

Song Of The Day – Mi-Sex – Computer Games

Vinyl Beauties 3

Woohoo!

It’s the next installment of “Vinyl Beauties”.

Cheesy records make me happy. So very happy…

Vinyl Beauties 1
Vinyl Beauties 2

I have so many of these glorious album covers, I’m spoilt for choice. I also have no idea where each and every one of these was pinched from, but I figure it’s not from their original source, so it doesn’t really matter…

Let’s just get started, eh?

 

What episode of Vinyl Beauties would be complete without some gratuitous nudity? Although I have to say, that the title paired with the image does my head in a bit. I’m not sure I even want to go there…

What I do like is some of the song titles – which do make me suspect that this record was not made in all seriousness….

“Sadie’s Still Got The Rag On”, “He Forgot His Rubbers”, “Tony’s Got Hot Nuts”… and then there’s always “Things Are Soft For Grandma Since Grandpa’s Eighty-Four”

I think that young lady was a bit warm under the lights. What do you think?

Stunning.

 

Someone’s mother is handy with a crochet hook…

Strangely enough, the outfit on the guy in purple would look quite fashionable right now…. on a woman. I’m somewhat impressed with the crocheted cowboy hat, although that guy is looking like he wouldn’t be out of place on a website for foot fetishists.

Do you think they could have put the palm in a more attractive container? Or at least placed it so the ugly plastic pot wasn’t in shot. Maybe they were in a hurry because the funeral home was about to close…

 

 

Hmm. Where to start with this one? Who is Bob McFadden and who is “Dor”? Is it his sister? Are they in the photo? Who are those people?

Is their “Mummy” a fertile, petrified, musical superhero?

We can only speculate…

 

 

Heh, well I have no problem with the proclamation that Jesus is a “Soul Man”, but I reckon this lot are in need of some divine guidance to make them appear even vaguely soulful…

Note to Naomi: A-line skirts and horizontal stripes around the hip of a full figured woman are not flattering…

Are we seriously supposed to believe these men are brothers?

 

 

Looks like poor Effie is has hit the skids. Either that, or she’s/he’s impersonating me at around the 3rd bottle of champagne mark. A bottle and head in hand is never a good combination…

Hmm. Should I be worried?

So, how is it, Effie? Tell it like it is….

I’d say her feet are hurting. Check out the size of her shoes…

 

So there you have it for another edition of “Vinyl Beauties”.

 

I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. Feel free to throw in your own interpretations….

 

 

 

 

Song Of The Day – Turin Brakes – Slack

 

 

Vibrator = Hysterically, No Hysteria…

 

I’ve had an awful week. It did get better and yes, I am going to talk about sex toys, but first I’m going to have a little whinge. So, nerr.

It was so very awful at the beginning of the week that the pose I adopted for the whole of Monday was somewhat reminiscent of Cameron in “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”, after he crashes the Ferarri; lying prone on the couch under a blanket with my eyes closed.

What was wrong? Oh, nothing I’d want to bore you with. Things were either going wrong, had gone wrong or were (in my mind) about to go wrong. You know how it is.

Interpersonal strife does my head in.

I also thought my cat had cancer. On Sunday night I discovered a huge lump that appeared to be growing out of his ribcage. I was (internally) quite beside myself. I love my cat. On Monday I took him to the vet:

“Who do we have here?”

“This is Bilbo”

“Hello Bilbo. My, aren’t you a big boy? What seems to be wrong with Bilbo?”

“He has a big lump on his chest. It’s really big. It’s internal, not on his skin”

“Ok, let’s have a look, shall we? Where is it exactly?”

[points]

“Here.”

“That’s his sternum.”

“Oh.”

[barely concealed smirk from the vet type person]

“I can still take an x-ray if you like.”

“Um, no thanks. I’ll be going now…”

So, there we have the latest addition to Vanessa’s Omnibus of Embarrassing Moments. I mean, I might as well have gone to the doctor and said “I’ve got a lump growing out of my foot”, to be told, “That’s your toe.”

Well, on the bright side, my cat doesn’t have cancer. Big huggles to Firm, who has not been so fortunate this week…

Today, I feel pretty good. Everything is sorted and working well. Nobody is pissed off with anybody anymore and all is well in the world. Amazing how things can turn around.

So, as is my wont, I celebrated with a bit of retail therapy.

And what did I buy?

Vibrators.

Plural.

I thought it was time I updated my collection. One of my old favourites (a bullet for those playing at home – mine was the blue one) died recently and it was definitely time to find a replacement. I didn’t want to buy another bullet, because I had, at times, found it a little difficult to keep hold of, as many women who have owned one may understand. Something with a bit more of a handle was in order.

I usually buy such implements in person at a chain of adult stores here in the city. They are staffed by women and everytime I shop there, I end up having a blast with the girl behind the counter. Vibrators, boxes and batteries strewn everywhere, because they don’t at all mind removing items from their packaging and handing them to you for a test run. Hah! I’m not kidding, although the testing tends to be more on the fingers and tip of the nose than anywhere else. I also think it’s quite fun to observe the men skulking around the dvd section, obviously quite intimidated by two women talking quite openly about their preferences in regards to the inclusion of pearls in a vibrator, or which stimulator provides more bang for your buck…

This time, for something different, I decided to surf the range of Australian adult stores online. It took me an entire evening and I almost gave up at one point because the range was so enormous I just about ran out of steam, until I noticed at one particular site that there were…. free gifts! Woohoo! I ended up buying not one, but three vibrators… and the free gift makes four. Go me!

I guess the free gift kind of makes up for the fact that my package didn’t arrive today. Which means that I have to wait until after the weekend. Which kinda sucks because I was going to take an abstract photo of my purchases to show you. So much for Overnight Express. Oh, well. Use your imagination.

So, whilst we’re on the subject, I thought I’d give a quick dissertation on the history of the vibrator. I’m sure most of you know that they’ve been around for a very, very long time and were orignally used to treat what was known as “Hysteria” in women. That is, sexual arousal and PMS (often go hand in hand – at least they do for me).

I saw a great little Australian doco on SBS a couple of weeks ago called Turn Me On: The History Of The Vibrator. You can watch it for yourself by clicking on the link – it’s only 17 minutes long, (I’m really taken with the music they used for the soundtrack, heh), but if you can’t be bothered watching it, I’ll relay a few interesting facts I gleaned from this short, yet very informative documentary.

• The Hysterical Paroxysm – better known now as the orgasm, was the temporary cure, or preferred outcome of the disease called Hysteria, which was caused by sexual deprivation in passionate women. Nun’s seemed to suffer from it a lot… And they talk about blue balls! In 200AD, it was recommended by the ancient Greek physcian Galen that massaging the genitals be used as a treatment for Hysteria. This was a strictly medical condition.
• Doctors only, were qualified to “treat” Hysteria until the early 20th century. Women were not to treat themselves, as masturbation was considered evil. Sex was solely considered to be penile penetration of a woman, by a man.
• Vibration was considered very useful to create the “Paroxysm” by the medical profession. Before electricity, doctors used enormous steam powered vibrators, pedal driven models (terribly tiring for the poor fellow), then came the handle powered models, which looked disturbingly like a manual drill.

This is one version that is not so much like a drill…, but still what a chore!

Those poor doctors…

Here is an air compressed model from the late 19th century:

Interesting attachments, no? Already looking vaguely familiar, yet still horribly speculum-like…

• The invent of the electric vibrator was a boon for doctors. They were overjoyed. If a doctor had an electronic vibrator, they could have women in and out of the surgery within about 10 minutes, thereby quadrupling their profit margin. It was a revolving door situation with women you see, because they were never able to be cured, due to the nature of the “disease”…

Here is a 1906 version of an electric vibrator. It’s not the famous Veedee vibrator, which bore a frightening resemblance to a circular sander, but it still has that drill appeal:

A bit bloody scary looking if you ask me…. Anyone up for a good drilling? Or a Paroxysm, perhaps?

• Advertisements for all these apparatus appeared in women’s magazines all over the world. Needlework magazines, journals, you name it. Doctors were treating women for Hysteria up until the 1920’s. It wasn’t until the 1950’s that Hysteria was written out of medical journals as being an official “disease”.

Here is an early battery operated vibrator, circa 1950’s (minus the various attachments). Of course it was marketed to smooth out those pesky facial wrinkles…

• During the documentary, an interesting modern-day observation was added by a middle-aged male gynaecologist: “A woman who has never climaxed is extremely unlikely to climax with anything but a proper vibrator.” Personally, I wouldn’t know, but it seems likely in many cases. I found my way to it in my mid-teens…

Are you vibrated beyond all recognition now? I would be if I were you. If it took you .001% of the time to read it as it took me to put this together, I wouldn’t blame you if you never wanted to lay eyes on another vibrator….. Bloody fiddly blogs.

‘Ave a bonza weekend, my sweet things… and indulge yourself, if you will…

Thanks to Vibrator Museum for the photos…

Oh, and happy first day of winter to my fellow southern hemisphere dwellers…:)

 

Song Of The Day – Frank Zappa – Dynamo Hum

I Like Flags

Watching sport where there is more than one country involved gets me a bit excited… sometimes. Moreso when it’s something like the Olympics, or the World Cup (or Eurovison). I love watching sport. I love the excitement, the suspense, the booze and snacks…

I also love the flags.

(and the national anthems, but that’s another story)

Call me strange, but that kind of thing interests me. I like design. After watching yet another multinational tournament, I started to look up a few of the flags and found a whole new world (trying really hard not to burst into song here) of weird and wonderful flags of all nations.

I used to know all the European flags as a kid, after spending a good 6 months travelling around the continent. There isn’t much from Europe in this crop, but I did manage to come up with some of the more interesting, beautiful, ugly and slightly odd flags from around the world.

I’m possibly going to entertain nobody but myself here… but I’m kind of used to that, being an only child and all. If you want to play with me, you can come along. I don’t mind at all. I know I’m not the only geeky geek in the house…

I’ve narrowed it down to my Top 20.

It would be less, but I had enough trouble narrowing it down to this many.

So, without further ado…. and in no particular order….

BELIZE

Aaaand first off the mark we have Belize. That wreath reminds me of one of those optical illusions where if you stare at the dot in the middle the circle starts moving around. Check it out! It’s moving! Except there is no dot in the middle.
What we have here is ebony and ivory working in perfect harmony… yet a bit apart. Or are they side by side? It says something about the country. They work the land. That’s what they do. Anyone got a problem with that? I don’t think you’d wanna fight those guys.. You might end up with a shovel in the head.

This flag also looks a bit like a corporate logo for a Latin American Kibbutz (?) Huhhh.

BAHRAIN

Aww. It looks like the Burger King is having a bit of a nap. Other than that, I guess it’s quite striking, if a bit on the nautical side.

Sweet dreams, Burger King. When you wake, I’ll have a Whopper with cheese, add bacon. Thanks.

GEORGIA

I’d love to live under this flag. It brings to mind all things medieval and knights of old. How wonderful. I also think it says, “Don’t fuck with us!”…and having met a few Georgian rugby players, I wouldn’t be doing anything of the sort.

GIBRALTAR

Speaking of things medieval, come in Wizard of Id!

The King is a fink…!

How cool is that flag?

TUVALU

One of the world’s smallest independant nations. A group of nine islands, smack bang in the middle of the Pacific. About halfway between Hawaii and Australia. So, if you’re ever trying to swim across, remember you have a rest stop. Isn’t that nice to know? I’m sure they have coconuts.

This flag makes me giggle every time I look at it because it looks like a drunk Aussie has tried to draw the Australian flag. Either that, or it’s the end result of a game of ‘Pin The Stars On The Southern Cross’…

ANTARCTICA

Who knew that Antarctica has its own flag?

Part Rorsarch Ink Blot Test, part rhinoceros head…. you figure it out. The penguins must be pleased.

ANDORRA

I like this one because it has moo cows on it. Any flag with moo cows on it is alright with me.

“Hello, we are from Andorra and we have cows”. Fantastic.

SWAZILAND

Ah.. here we have Africa tapping into their rich visual heritage. It makes a strong statement about the country it’s representing. It’s a fine flag all ’round, but really I just like saying SWAZILAND.

Oh, and Richard E. Grant comes from Swaziland and Richard E. Grant rules. The end.

HONG KONG

This flag must always be flown in conjunction with the Chinese flag and it’s not a Hibiscus flower, it’s a Bauhinia Blakensis. Okay? Good. I’m glad we’ve got that sorted. It is rather pretty though, don’t you think?

Can someone email this to Waldeck’s Garden Centre? I think they need a new logo.

LEBANON

Ah, yes. I always think of lush, green trees when I think of Lebanon. Doesn’t everyone? An interesting, paradoxically peaceful symbol in a country that is effectively a bloody mess. I went there as a child and I don’t remember much except a lot of concrete and men with big guns.

I mean, I know the Cedar is native to Lebanon, but who are they trying to fool, exactly? Wishful thinking, perhaps…

GREENLAND

I think this flag is hot. I dig it for it’s retro 60’s/70’s interior design sensibilities. It would make some fabulous wallpaper, no?

NEPAL

Trust Nepal to think outside the square. The only national flag on the planet that isn’t a horizontal rectangle. They’re dancing to their own tune and it shows. Good on ya Nepal!

ISLE OF MAN

Freaky freak show!! Haha! I LOVE this flag. This is my favourite. It has a sense of humour. How good is that? I also love that it’s rich in Anglo/Celtic mythology. Rock on.

TURKMENISTAN

Just like the old Silk Road from Europe to Asia… or possibly a Persian carpet runner I once owned….

MYANMAR

The country formerly known as Burma. They have corn! Is it corn? Does Burma grow a lot of corn? If they don’t grow a lot of corn, you’d have to wonder why the hell they have a head of corn on their flag … What’s all that about?

LESOTHO

Hehe… The national emblem of Lesotho is a finger puppet. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I like finger puppets. Finger puppets are fun.

Either that, or the ol’ Rorsach Ink Blot Test is back…

KIRIBATI

What’s this? Kiribati sinking beneath the waves of the Pacific due to the effects of Global Warming?

Oh, well. At least the bird looks like he’s having fun….

SAUDI ARABIA

Does anyone here speak Arabic? So accessible, as you would kind of expect, really.

Oh, oh… I just took a crash course in Arabic. It is apparently the Muslim creed, “There is no god but God; Muhammed is the Messenger of God”. Consider yourself told.

TIBET

I like this one. A little psychedelic, complete with oddly coloured sunbeams, swirls and spooky green monsters… and strangely asymmetrical with the unfinished yellow border…

Tibet’s flag is of course, due to its national state of limbo, unrecognised. I dunno, it looks pretty recognisable to me…

UGANDA

A German (?) cock in Africa, from the country that gave us Idi Amin. There has to be some connection there. 500,000 dead Ugandan’s can’t be wrong…

Interesting that the recent film didn’t depict him feeding homosexual’s their own penises…. Or that he was stark raving bonkers due to a nasty case of Syphillis? Or did it? I didn’t see it..

So, there you have it.

So, go on…. tell me your favourite.

Or… have I just completely out-geeked myself? Hah!

Vinyl Beauties 2

I love vinyl.

I have loads of it. So much that it’s becoming a bit of a problem, because I move house so often… but I can’t seem to part with any of my records.

More about that here:

Vinyl Beauties – Part 1

And here is Part Deux. Not before time, I know. I’ve gathered such a huge collection of dodgy album covers online, that it may take me a year to post them all….

Yay!

I chose these ones at random.  I closed my eyes and clicked.

First off the block we have:

Is her neck broken? Or perhaps her back?

I’ve been doing aerobics on and off for 20 years and I can quite safely say that this particular move has never been part of any routine I’ve followed. In fact, I used to throw my head around like that when I was dancing in my misspent youth, and all the favours it did me, was ongoing neck and back problems. I wonder how she’s doing these days..?

Is my interpretation of digital timing wrong, or is that a 20 second workout? Ah, 20 minutes. Oh, well… if I’d end up with a body like hers, I might just try it…

It was seen on TV, after all…

Astronauts in gaily coloured suits and multicoloured women from outer space (those curly antennae never work well, in my experence). Apparently they’re thrilling the ladies with gifts. What those gifts are, are anyone’s guess. I think they’re cocktails…? In brandy balloons. Hey, brandy is brown, man! I hate being misrepresented, don’t you?

I’m always up for an escapade, though. Especially in space.

I bags being the pink lady…

Nice to be with you too, Jim. Didn’t your mother ever tell you it was rude to point?

Smug bastard.

Their name is Omega, in case you didn’t get it from the prominently placed symbol. I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t, because it wasn’t the first thing I noticed…

I think they guy with the blond frizz and I have the same hairdresser….

Is the guy on the right wearing a frock? It’s all very odd. They must be Scandinavian.

Just because I’ve been so active in my garden this week, I had to choose this one (the only one I actually chose). I always play music whist I’m pottering amongst the living things, but I hadn’t considered playing them Dr George’s music when I’m not around. Maybe that’s why my snow peas died overnight?

Does the fact he is a doctor, have any bearing on his horticultural skills? Maybe he’s a Doctor of Wilting Indoor Plants…

Arright. That’s it for another episode, my lovelies.

Feel free to make your own interpretations…

Song Of The Day – Scott Matthews – Elusive

Flash Cube Flashback!

I found this Kodak commercial from the 60’s. It thrills me.

It’s new! It’s now! It’s Flash Cube!

Help me…. I can’t stop go-go dancing…

Does anyone else remember flash cubes, or am I really starting to show my age? I was a child of the ’70’s and my first camera predated me, but I have very clear memories of those little cubes. You only got 4 flashes per cube…

Whatever you do, don’t blink!

This was my first camera:

No frills, circa 1968-’73 with no built-in flash. It had a manual wind-on mechanism and I distinctly remember the resounding “click” when you pressed the shutter and the torturous process of winding back the film at the end of a roll. I used to think I was pretty special because my camera had two different settings for if it was sunny or overcast, as you can see in the picture above, just above the lens. It took crappy pictures, but I didn’t care. I took it everywhere with me. Nice to see nothing has changed in that regard…

Ohh, look! I found a picture of me with my trusty Instamatic 33:

I still have the photos I took that day, which would illustrate beautifully the quality (or lack thereof) of the prints, but I couldn’t be arsed going through 30 boxes to find them. I think I still have the camera somewhere, too….

I am such a hoarder.

Song Of The Day – Cream – Tales Of Brave Ulysses

Extreme Splerkiness!

I’m back!  Yay!

The Monster From Green Hell has left my body for the forseeable future.

It’s been an expensive week:

1. 7 days of lost productivity in the workplace, between the co-habiter and I.
2. $270 to replace a door tarnished by a fist sized hole.

It wasn’t my fist that made the hole, and only two days off work for me. The hole and the other five days were caused by the co-habiter losing his voice from sheer force of YELLING.   Not so helpful when he reads the news on the radio for a living.

I take part responsibility, but men will never learn to not answer back when faced with a very pissed off woman on a hormonal spin….Especially when she has a valid point.

For what it’s worth, I’ve taken myself off the progesterone-only contraceptive pill I’ve been on for some time.  It makes no difference as far as contraception goes (make of that what you will), I was just taking it to bring my abherrant hormones into line.  Mind you, I was never tested to make sure that was what I needed….

I’m thinking it wasnt.

I stopped taking them two days ago and I’m back to my normal, calm, relatively cheery self.

It has been hell.

I humbly apologise to anyone I’ve pissed off or made even slightly uncomfortable in the past week.   Although it’s a backhanded apology, because I really couldn’t help it.

I have to tell you, I’m a bit more than over having adverse reactions to drugs.  So far this year it’s been the antidepressants, a nasty reaction to some antibiotics and now this.  I think I have no tolerance to pharmaceutical concoctions after 5 years of poisoning…

We shall see.

A huge thankyou and massive HUGS to the glorious Ranna for her words of wisdom and love during this time.  It was very lonely on my end, and I owe you a message and a whole lot more.  You were there for me in a very, very bad time.  You’re a special woman and I’m so happy to call you my friend…

NEXT!

My best friend lives on the other side of Australia.  Doesn’t that suck?  Her name is Jules.   

Jules also had a bad week.  

I was supposed to find her a box of Bex today (as a joke) whilst I was out shopping, but due to the sheer volume of stuff I had to buy for other people (I should have written it down), it slipped my mind.   Sorry babe.   I’ll try and remember next time, if you don’t get to Woolies first…

Jules and I are both trying to drop a few kilos and due to the week’s state of affairs, she confessed to me she had some choc chip muffins in her cupboard.   My response, (after offering her icecream) was to not eat said muffins because they are EVIL IN SPONGY CAKE FORM.

Next thing I know, I get this in my inbox:

I love that girl…

And if I could afford it, I’d buy her one of these:

Courtesy: Sexoteric 

Instructions: After turning dial to required setting, turn on and sit with legs out front. 

Humm…. I do have a couple of outstanding loads of washing pending…..

Psst, girls:   You can tell it was designed by a man, can’t you?

****************

Yah, this is a long one (long what?), but I did promise a couple of people a demonstration of my seemingly infamous “splerky dance”.

Some have an innate understanding, some are a little puzzled.

The “splerky dance” is what happens when someone calls to tell you there is no point coming into school/work today because it’s too bloody hot/cold outside, or when you find a package on your doorstep.

I’m sure you’ll understand: (and if you scroll down really quickly, it’s like a flick book..)

Step One:  Orrhhmigod!!

Step Two:  YAY!!!!!

Step Three:  It’s tricky to balance on one heel…(careful if you’re on tiles)

Step Four: Fling yourself about like you just don’t care….

Step Five:  Repeat step two and end with a big “YAHHH!!!”

 

To Firm:  Insert toiletries at appropriate um… moments.

Was there something else? 

I suspect so, but I’m too splerkied out to care….

Song Of The Day:  Bloc Party – Positive Tension

Gimme guitars!

I have a slight fetish for all things retro.  I use the blanket term ‘retro’ because there isn’t one specific era that interests me.  I love design from pretty much every decade of the 20th century, although I would have to say that the 1930’s, ’50’s, ’60’s and ’70’s would top the list.  There is often confusion over the words ‘retro’ and ‘vintage’ – ‘retro’ being inspired by a certain look from the past, and vintage being the real deal.  It doesn’t really matter to me if it’s one or the other.  I just like old things… and things that look old. 

So, imagine my excitement when I happened across the John Hornby Skewes & Co website, where they have a plethora of beautiful, vintage inspired Danelectro guitars. 

I’ve played guitar on and off for years, but I’m not very good because I don’t keep it up.  I’ve been in a couple of bands, although more in a lead singer capacity, due to my dubious guitar playing skills.   Making music is something I enjoy immensely though and seeing these little beauties has just inspired me to tune up and get playin’.

Danelectro may not one of the better known makes of guitars, but I reckon they’re one of the coolest and they have a more than impressive pedigree.  Syd Barrett, Jimmy Page, Eric Clapton, Jimi Hendrix ,Tom Verlaine and Link Wray all played Danelectros, and that’s good enough for me.

Plus, they’re just so damned pretty!  (and so damned expensive)

Anyone feeling generous?  I don’t own an electric guitar, and I’d be more than willing to try one of these as my first…

I can’t make up my mind which colour I like best.  I’m not too hot on the grey, but the others are just too cute.  I love the shape…

Then, if I did play electric guitar, I’d need one of these:

The sweetest mini amp on the planet.  Also comes in ‘daddy-o yellow’.  Dig it!

Oh, and not to forget:

Groovy effects pedals!  There was a gorgeous purple one, but I’ll go with this one because it matches the amp.  Note that I have no idea what effects it actually makes.  I just like the way it looks.  Hah.

*sigh*

Alas, being a little short on funds, I’ll just have to stick with boring Ol’ Faithful for now…

My birthday is nearly a year away.  Plenty of time to save!  *nudge nudge, wink wink*

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m just going to toddle off and salivate over some vintage cameras….

Song Of The Day  – The Beatles – I Me Mine

Inspiration via Retro To Go

Vinyl Beauties – Part 1

I have an enormous collection of vinyl records.  I mean, too bloody big.  Around 900+ albums and God knows how many singles (45’s).  Could be around the same number.  I can’t play any of them because both my turntables are out of order, but I just can’t let go.  I’ve given away a few albums over the years and regretted it.  Still.  So, I lug them around from house to house…

I’ve been collecting records since I was a kid.  Pre-teen.  I was earning my own money from the age of 9, and what did I spend it on?  Yup.  You got it.

I was obsessed with music.  Not much has changed in that regard, except that I’m running out of space.   Records take up a LOT of space.  

I worked for a huge record company for a couple of years and had access to their entire back catalogue.  Holy Jeebus.  I went nuts.  They probably got the bill after I left, heh.   My CD collection is almost as large as my vinyl, or possibly larger.  I’ve never counted.

Part of the reason I hang onto records, is because I love the big covers.  There was nothing quite like lying on your bed, listening to your new purchase and examining the artwork and words in fine detail.  Ahhh… memories.  CD’s just aren’t the same…

Occasionally I still buy vinyl secondhand, if I see a cover I really like.  Covers were and are, that cool…

For some time now, I’ve been collecting pictures of joyous vinyl album covers I’ve come across online.  There are too many to post in one hit, so I’m starting a series:

I hate to say it, but she reminds me of me when I’ve had a few too many to drink.  Well, I don’t generally try to set my face on fire and I only smoke when I’m very sloshed, but she speaks to me.  Hah!  Almost makes you want to hear ‘Bolero’ again, eh?

Doesn’t everybody love Herb?  This album cover has been parodied numerous times, I believe most famously by Soul Asylum. They had the best covers in the 60’s….

Well, isn’t Eddie a lucky guy?  Who would think there would be naked, piano crawling beauties at the Open Face Sandwich Club? 

Someone I know saw this recently and said at first glance, “That’s hot!!”.  Umm.. ok.  Apparently women on the toilet turn him on…  Hey, what ever floats yer boat, I say.  I think Millie Jackson (is she related??)  is just feeling wholly satisfied for being back where the shit is.  By the look on her face, she’s been waiting a long time. 

Well, what can you say except, WHAT THE FUCK??  At least he gives a warning for sensitive eyes, but not before you’ve seen the rest.  Not that I’m offended. I’m just trying to work out what the hell is going on here… Is there a point?

I’m sure someone has an explanation.  If not feasible, at least amusing…

I’ll just leave you with those for now.  Vinyl albums that most likely will never be released on CD and if they were available digitally, what would be the point?

Vinyl rules, ok.

More to come…..

 

Song Of The Day – James Brown – King Heroin

You like what??

Hello.  My name is Vanessa, and I am slightly unusual.

Well, maybe a little more than slightly…

I happily sit outside the circle, to the left.  It’s where I’ve always lived.  It’s nice.  They know me here.

I’m not crazy.  I just like different things to ‘most people’.

I like Test Patterns.

See?

I really do.

I even have a favourite Test Pattern.

Check it out:

When I was a kid I would always wake up too early for TV and this is what I saw when I turned on the box.  Can you see why I was fascinated?  A spooky looking little girl who always looked to me like her head was about to begin turning 360’s, and as for that clown thing….  I’m not generally afraid of clowns, I just think they’re stupid.  But that weirdo clown paired with the girl like they’re ACTUALLY PLAYING NOUGHTS AND CROSSES, that creeped me the fuck out, like it’s alive or something.   And, what is with that clown’s body?? 

Useless trivia:   This Test Pattern has a name.  It’s ‘Test Card F’, and it’s a creation of the BBC in the UK.  They’re playing noughts and crosses so the TV cameras could have something to focus on in the centre of the picture.  Hence, the placement of the ‘X’. 

Then there’s this one:

Familiar to viewers of televisual pictures in 30 different countries.  Not seen quite so often these days, due to most TV stations broadcasting 24 hours.   I like the geometric shapes and vague optical illusions.  I like the colours and shades.  It makes me feel warm and fuzzy, like my favourite teddy bear.  No, I’m not kidding.

So, imagine my joy at finding this for sale online:

Orrrrhhh!   Test Pattern Watch!!

I’m tempted…. Oh, so tempted….

Song Of The Day:   Sigur Ros – Glosoli