Hooray for Holidays!

I’ve been a little bit busy lately.

Busy planning a holiday.

Where, you ask?

This might give you a hint:

I’m going to New Zealand! Woohoo!

You know, Lord of the Rings country, and all that…

All expenses paid, no less. My mother has just emerged from a 3 year relationship and one of her funny little “end-of-the relationship” quirks, is that she likes to go on holiday…. and I reap all the benefits! Muahahaha!

The flights are free, thanks to the QANTAS Frequent Flyer programme, and all my accomodation and car hire is paid for. For 9 days. Not bad, huh?

We’re doing a self-drive trip around the South Island, which is mostly Alpine landscape and made up of lovely things like this:

Fox Glacier

The only downside (possibly apart from spending 9 days in planes and cars with my mother, which is fraught with potential disaster in itself), is that we have to catch no less than SEVEN connecting flights in total, there and back. Crikey Moses.

I think it will be worth it.

All the planning and itinerary is up to me, as I’m quite good at that kind of thing, so I’ve been scouring the intertubes and holiday brochures for ideas. I think I’ve got it sorted. I’m talking scenic flights, sailing down the fjord (otherwise known as Milford Sound) and getting up close and personal with glaciers. Not to mention the jetboats…

Less the flying time, we’ll have 6 nights to cover the South Island. I think we can just about do it.

Being a bit of a photography nut, I’m so excited about the potential for lovely images, I can’t even tell you.

So, there will be a lot of this:

And possibly not so much of this:

Or, this…

Meaning, obviously, that I won’t be flinging myself across ravines. Although if anyone is kind enough to provide me with a lovely photo opporunity, I’ll be ever so grateful.

We’re flying out on October 16. I can’t wait.

Get ready for copious numbers of highly self indulgent, yet beautiful photographs.

In the words of the immortal Big Kev, “I’m excited!!”

********************************

Finally, as per usual, here is a list of my successful and glorious music downloads in the past couple of weeks. Yay! :

Siouxsie and the Banshees – Venus in Furs
Siouxsie and the Banshees – Peek-A-Boo
Siouxsie and the Banshees – Spellbound
Siouxsie and the Banshees – Arabian Nights
Siouxsie and the Banshees – Christine
Siouxsie and the Banshees – Dear Prudence
Siouxsie and the Banshees – Cities in Dust
The Streets – Let’s Push Things Forward
Junior Marvin & Lee Scratch Perry – Police and Thieves
Willy Mason – Oxygen
Townes Van Zandt – Dead Flowers
Antony and the Johnsons – The Atrocities
Antony and the Johnsons – Man is the Baby
Graham Coxon – Standing On My Own Again
Graham Coxon – You & I
Paul Weller & Graham Coxon – This Old Town
Amanda Ghost – Bad Girl
Amanda Ghost – Idol
Sufjan Stevens – The Seer’s Tower
Sufjan Stevens – The Dress Looks Nice On You
Sufjan Stevens – To Be Alone with You
Sufjan Stevens – Super WomanSufjan Stevens – Size Too Small
Sufjan Stevens – Jacksonville
Sufjan Stevens – John Wayne Gacy Jr
Sufjan Stevens – For the Widows in Paradise
Sufjan Stevens – The World’s Columbian Exposition Part II
Sufjan Stevens – Chicago
Sufjan Stevens – Casimir Pulaski Day
Sufjan Stevens – A Good Man is Hard to Find
Stereolab – Ping Pong
Jackson Browne – You Love the Thunder
Joseph Arthur – Honey and the Moon
Syd Barrett – Baby Lemonade
Tim Buckley – Once I Was
Tim Buckley – Dolphins
Art Brut – Emily Kane
Art Brut – Moving to LA
Art Brut – Formed A Band
The Breeders – Safari
Mogwai – Stanley Kubrick
The (English) Beat – Mirror in the Bathroom
Battles – Atlas
The Go-Betweens – Lee Remick
The Klaxons – It’s Not Over Yet
My Bloody Valentine – Off Your Face
Silversun Pickups – Lazy Eye
The Church – Reptile
The Cult – American Horse
The Libertines – Time For Heroes
Bob Marley – Hammer
Sia – Breathe Me
Mazzy Star – Blue Light
Alice In Chains – Man in the Box
Black Flag – Rise Above
Nine Inch Nails – Wish
Rammstein – Das Modell
Smashing Pumpkins – Tarantula
The Good, The Bad & The Queen – Kingdom of Doom
Chemical Brothers (ft. Ali Love) – Do It Again
Chemical Brothers – Let Forever Be
Butthole Surfers – Who Was In My Room Last Night?
Butthole Surfers – Avalanche
Butthole Surfers – Whatever
Butthole Surfers – Hurdy Gurdy Man
Butthole Surfers – Pepper
Dappled Cities Fly – Make You Happy
Dappled Cities Fly – Cream
Dappled Cities Fly – Fire Fire Fire
Dappled Cities Fly – Vision Bell
Neil Young – Dead Man
Sigur Ros – Svefn-g-Englar
Emilie Simon – Dame de Lotus
The Avalanches – Frontier Psychiatrist
The Avalanches – Since I Left You
Faker – Hurricane
Black Sabbath – Spiral Architect
Queens of the Stoneage – Sick, Sick, Sick

Ok, happy end.

Song of the Day – E.L.O – The Diary of Horace Wimp

Those Crazy Scandinavians…

I wasn’t going to post another blog until tomorrow night, but I just came across this little gem and if I don’t share it with you right this minute, I couldn’t live with myself for depriving you of such a stellar slice of cheese.

It’s a Finnish cover of The Village People’s “YMCA”, by ’70s rokk ikkons Gregorious. Remember them?

No, me neither, but I hear they were HUGE in Finland.

I don’t care what anyone says, any video featuring scoop shorts, tube socks and an electric organ has to be good.

This video makes me happy.

Just watch. You won’t regret it:

And if you can’t get enough of those wonderful Finns and their cutting-edge choreography and fashion sense, CLICK HERE.

I am booking a holiday to Finland tomorrow. Anyone care to join me?

Ok, I’m taking my poor, sleep deprived self off to bed. I will endeavour to be back tomorrow, to begin posting the seemingly endless backlog of photo blogs I have pending… oyy…

Via Boing Boing

Song Of The Day – The Sex Pistols – Silly Thing

Yacht Rock #9

Well, we’re nearly at the end, folks.

If you’ve found this blog through a search engine query for Yacht Rock, welcome!

You’ve come to the right place…

God knows, Jules and I are beyond happy to know that there are other people on the planet who appeciate smooth cheese…

So, here we have Episode 9 of Yacht Rock – “Runnin’ With The Devil”

 

In Episode 9:

Does Drew Carey have a heart? Could Van Halen be the connection between smooth music and the future?

Who will win the battle? The Heavy Metal Devil? Or, Smooth Jesus?

Skiddly diddly bop!

 

See for yourselves:

 

Coming soon: In the next and final episode, who will win the fight to keep smooth music alive? Steely Dan, or the Eagles?

Stay tuned….

 

Yacht Rock 1 – “What A Fool Believes”
Yacht Rock 2 – “Keep The Fire”
Yacht Rock 3 – “I’m Alright”
Yacht Rock 4 – “Rosanna”
Yacht Rock 5 – “I Believe In It” & Yacht Rock 6 – “The Seed Drill”
Yacht Rock 7 – “I Keep Forgettin’”
Yacht Rock 8 – “Gino (The Manager)”

 

Yacht Rock Online

 

 

Song Of The Day – Sufjan Stevens – Chicago

 

 

I Bin Crushin’…

Modobs wants to know which celebrity I’d spend time with on a desert island.

It’s a new tag. Woohoo!

Although, there is a really big part of me that just really doesn’t want to go there.

Why, you ask?

Well, I’ve been known to have odd taste in men. At least that’s what I’ve been told. I prefer to think of myself as umm… eclectic? I really don’t have a “type”. People appeal to me for different reasons, and it’s more often than not, it’s some kind of talent or cerebral connection that makes me all hot and bothered. I also change crushes almost as often as I change my underwear – which is quite often, I’m sure you’re pleased to know.

I sometimes also fancy people that even I wouldn’t expect.

Take Criss Angel, for example.

I said I don’t have a type, but if I did, he doesn’t fit it. He’s showy, he wears tacky jewellery and his contrived “too cool for school” image would normally be enough to turn me off quite spectacularly. Not to mention that unintentionally hilarious theme song for his show. Did nobody have the guts to tell him that he can’t sing? That said, I still get it stuck in my head for days on end…

However.

The guy is fucking sexy. His show has been on repeating on late night TV for the last few weeks here and I’m hooked.

He’s like Houdini on crack.

Almost everything he does is an illusion, but dang it’s impressive. He’s a master of sleight of hand and his stunts are insane. Everything from having a Humvee drive onto his chest whilst lying on a bed of spikes, to purposely getting struck by lightning and trying to blow himself up with dynamite.

He likes to push the boundaries, and that to me, is sexy. He can conjure me up some coconuts any time.

Here is Criss being hit by a car at high speed. As you do.

… and here’s one of his many tricks he perfoms on the unsuspecting public in the street. Almonds and plums into cockroaches, yum!

Looking for photos of him tonight, I noticed that he has a really bad haircut now. I might not like him anymore.

My other crush of the moment is Verka Serduchka.

No modobs, I’m not kidding.. hah!

Verka Serduchka is a comedic character, and could best be described as Ukraine’s answer to Dame Edna Everage.

Verka came second (representing Ukraine) in this year’s Eurovision Song Contest. He/she was the hot favourite to win, but was tragically pipped at the post by that mob from Serbia… [sob]

Before the Eurovision final, Jules sent me a video of Verka’s entry in the competition, Dancing Lasha Tumbai and I was transfixed. I think you either love her or hate him/her. If nothing else, you have to laugh. This song just makes me so very happy…

So, I have a crush on a drag queen (who is by all reports not gay… so that’s something in my favour), and imagine my joy when I discovered that the man under the sparkly headwear is so dashingly handsome, I want to have his babies. Immediately.

The only photo of him on the internet – and it’s not even a good one.

Watch this instead. It’s a rather clever video featuring a duet and tango between Verka and her alter ego (see above), Andrey Danilko, who is a rather talented composer apart from Verka.  He really is rather gorgeous…

So. As a result of this year’s Eurovision, I now have a rather obnoxious fetish for eastern European accents and cheesy Europop novelty songs. I think I need help. Especially since just this week I purchased 3 cd’s by Verka Serduchka on Ebay (AU$40 for the three including postage – bargain!) from someone in the Ukraine. The cd’s don’t even have english lettering on them. It’s all in that crazy Ukranian/Russian chirography.

[sigh]

I am a poor, lost soul…

So there you go modobs. Are you happy now I have revealed my ridiculous taste in men to the entire interweb? Then again, it could be worse… I could have picked Julian MacMahon… Teehee!

Ok, I think I’m supposed to tag some people: Jules – Jennifer – Stiletto – Mister Peace – Richard – Qelqoth.

Ok, happy end.

Song Of The Day – Siouxsie and the Banshees – Cities in Dust

Yacht Rock #8

It’s been a while…

My apologies for the break, even though it’s pretty much only Jules and I who really understand the power of smooth music.

See? You didn’t get that either, did you?

Nevermind. There are others who love the taste of cheese. Extra sharp vintage cheddar. That’s what I’m talkin’ about.

It is time for Yacht Rock Episode 8 – Gino (The Manager)

Flashbacks can be so gloriously telling.

It started with a vision… I will say no more…

Yacht Rock 1 – “What A Fool Believes”
Yacht Rock 2 – “Keep The Fire”
Yacht Rock 3 – “I’m Alright”
Yacht Rock 4 – “Rosanna”
Yacht Rock 5 – “I Believe In It” & Yacht Rock 6 – “The Seed Drill”
Yacht Rock 7 – “I Keep Forgettin’”

 

Yacht Rock Online

Coming in Episode Nine – Could this be the end of smooth music as we know it? I really mean it this time…

 

 

Song Of The Day – David Bowie – D.J.

A Vibrating Addendum

I’m feelin’ the vibes, baby.

After my last post about vibrators, you ought to see how much search engine traffic I get containing the word “vibrator” now. Second only to “huge tits”, which comes in at around 100 or so search matches and climbing rapidly. The thing is, I’m still trying to work out exactly where I used the phrase “huge tits” anywhere in my blog. I assume it has something to do with the “Max Strikes Again” post, seeing as I did make mention of my bra size in that particular posting. Actually, it’s most likely in the comment section. Just like I get a tonne of traffic looking for the Sybian since Firm so thoughtfully mentioned it in a comment a while back. Sorry to disappoint you, people! Nothing to see here…

…although I daresay I’ve probably doubled my search engine traffic just by writing that paragraph. Hah!

Oh, the other thing about the “huge tits” result, is that I did a Google search on that very term myself and I was nowhere to be seen. Well, I gave up after about page 17, but who goes back that far? Must be some other dodgy search engine…

I have a couple of little gems for you. I meant to include them in the last post, but my wee pea brain forgot.

This advertisement is a cracker.

It is heartening, don’t you think, that the Hamilton Beach Vibrator is particularly helpful for “rubbing out the throbbing pain” and bringing “a tingling, cheerful glow that invigorates and refreshes”. But quite honestly, I don’t think I’d want that contraption anywhere near my delicate body parts…

Whilst we’re on the subject of sex toys that moonlight as household appliances, I recently came across (no pun intended, get your mind out of the gutter. Geez.) this little beauty:

It’s the (Vortex Vibrations) Vacuum Cleaner Sex Toy.

The inventor was cleaning her carpets when she noticed that a piece of rubber caught in the tube was gently resonating with the air flow. Next thing you know, she had come up with a prototype to jam on the end of her vacuum cleaner, that gave her an orgasm in ten seconds.

Ten seconds without even touching skin! It just works on air flow alone.

Well, that’s all well and good, but I’d think that would rather take the fun out of it. I mean, isn’t a large part of the joy in the journey?

Oh, but it can also apparently, give multiple, back-to-back orgasms lasting up to a minute at a time…

BUT WHAT ABOUT THE NOISE??

Seriously. I can barely stand being in the same room as a vacuum cleaner even when I’m not feeling like sexy time.

I think I’ll pass.

Here’s the commercial:

Why they got a man to give it the thumbs up, I’m still not sure. . .

Ok. I had other stuff to say, but I think that’s enough for today. And probably all I have to say on the subject of vibrators for a while. Maybe.

(Psst Tommy… Your wrapping instructions didn’t work…)

Song Of The Day – Mi-Sex – Computer Games

Vanessa’s Vids 1

I’m starting a new series.

I was inspired by watching the Saturday morning part of last weekend’s Rage today, which I’d recorded on DVD…

Aussie’s will get that.

I saw some old favourites and enjoyed them so much, I started making a list. . .

There are songs and accompanying music video’s I have loved over the years and I feel a compulsion to share them with you.

The only criteria is that I have to like both the song and the video.

A lot.

It matters not what era, or genre it comes from.

It just has to be of quality. Funny or not.

Here is the first.

The band is Supergrass and the song is “Pumping On Your Stereo”. I’ve just watched it on YouTube, after viewing it on my rather large televsion, and despite how it looks on the small screen, believe me when I say there is almost nothing in the way of CGI going on here, if anything at all.

It’s just very clever puppeteering and crafty camerawork.

It really doesn’t look nearly as good on blotchy old YouTube as it does on my plasma, but it still makes me smile.

I hope you like it.

More to come. . .

 

 

 

Song Of The Day – Supergrass – Pumping On Your Stereo

The Neverending Lunch

 

 

I am a very, very big fan of long, boozy lunches. There is not much I enjoy more than to while away a sunny afternoon, enjoying great conversation, scrumptious food and a bottle of wine (or two).

I got lucky last weekend.

 

As is my wont, we were running late. Did I ever tell you I have an allergy to deadlines? Now you know.

I do however, multitask fairly well. This is me giving directions, fiddling with the radio and taking a photograph of myself at the same time. Just as well I wasn’t driving.

 

Where were we going? Oh, yay! Wine tasting! A nice little boutique winery in the Swan Valley called Carilley Estate. Because we didn’t get there until after 2pm and the kitchen closed at 3, we only tasted the whites. I wasn’t overly impressed. My palette is extremely tired of this trend towards sweet, heavily fruit driven wines. They just don’t agree with me. Gimme oak, baby…

We ended up choosing a Dry Chenin Blanc. I’ve never heard of a Dry Chenin Blanc before, but it was a whole lot more palettable to me than a normal Chenin Blanc, and I wasn’t really fussed that it didn’t go with steak. A red would have been far too heavy for lunch. I was up for some serious quaffing…

 

The steak was out of this world. I swear it was the best steak I’ve ever eaten. It was huge, and cooked medium rare, to perfection. Melt. In. Your. Mouth.

Yum.

 

Then there was the view…

 

A couple of glasses of wine, and Vanessa starts pointing the camera at herself again….

 

A few more glasses of wine and she’s pointing the lens at sheep.

Because she is convinced that sheep in the Swan Valley are way prettier than any other sheep.

Or something like that.

 

Of course, on the way home there just HAD to be a stop at the pub…

 

And a uh, few of these….

 

Then, upon arriving home at around 11pm, Vanessa changes into her daggy fleecy tracksuit and takes yet more photos of herself wearing 3 layers of clothing. She is under the blurry misconception that her hair looks like it did when she left the house 10 hours previously and that she doesn’t look at all tired and emotional. Not at all. HOT, baby, hot.

If you look closely enough, you can see the outline of her beer goggles…

 

Geez, I’m a brave girl, posting that. Hah!

 

 

 

Song Of The Day – Deerhoof – Wrong Time Capsule

Vinyl Beauties 3

Woohoo!

It’s the next installment of “Vinyl Beauties”.

Cheesy records make me happy. So very happy…

Vinyl Beauties 1
Vinyl Beauties 2

I have so many of these glorious album covers, I’m spoilt for choice. I also have no idea where each and every one of these was pinched from, but I figure it’s not from their original source, so it doesn’t really matter…

Let’s just get started, eh?

 

What episode of Vinyl Beauties would be complete without some gratuitous nudity? Although I have to say, that the title paired with the image does my head in a bit. I’m not sure I even want to go there…

What I do like is some of the song titles – which do make me suspect that this record was not made in all seriousness….

“Sadie’s Still Got The Rag On”, “He Forgot His Rubbers”, “Tony’s Got Hot Nuts”… and then there’s always “Things Are Soft For Grandma Since Grandpa’s Eighty-Four”

I think that young lady was a bit warm under the lights. What do you think?

Stunning.

 

Someone’s mother is handy with a crochet hook…

Strangely enough, the outfit on the guy in purple would look quite fashionable right now…. on a woman. I’m somewhat impressed with the crocheted cowboy hat, although that guy is looking like he wouldn’t be out of place on a website for foot fetishists.

Do you think they could have put the palm in a more attractive container? Or at least placed it so the ugly plastic pot wasn’t in shot. Maybe they were in a hurry because the funeral home was about to close…

 

 

Hmm. Where to start with this one? Who is Bob McFadden and who is “Dor”? Is it his sister? Are they in the photo? Who are those people?

Is their “Mummy” a fertile, petrified, musical superhero?

We can only speculate…

 

 

Heh, well I have no problem with the proclamation that Jesus is a “Soul Man”, but I reckon this lot are in need of some divine guidance to make them appear even vaguely soulful…

Note to Naomi: A-line skirts and horizontal stripes around the hip of a full figured woman are not flattering…

Are we seriously supposed to believe these men are brothers?

 

 

Looks like poor Effie is has hit the skids. Either that, or she’s/he’s impersonating me at around the 3rd bottle of champagne mark. A bottle and head in hand is never a good combination…

Hmm. Should I be worried?

So, how is it, Effie? Tell it like it is….

I’d say her feet are hurting. Check out the size of her shoes…

 

So there you have it for another edition of “Vinyl Beauties”.

 

I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. Feel free to throw in your own interpretations….

 

 

 

 

Song Of The Day – Turin Brakes – Slack

 

 

Yacht Rock 5 & 6 (bumper edition)

Yah, it’s been a while….

I’ve no excuse for slacking off with my postings of Yacht Rock, but I’m quite sure than no one but Jules will have noticed. Mind you, I do get a lot of search engine traffic for it, so it’s on with the show….

Let’s see. Where are we up to?

Ah, yes. Episode 5 – “I Believe In It”.

I’m quite fond of this one…

In this episode, these questions and more, may or may not be answered:

1. Who really put the smooth in Michael Jackson? It appears a spear gun plays some part…
2. How could Michael Jackson possibly be a catalyst for Kenny Loggins and Michael McDonald to kiss and make up?
3. Who knew that Vincent Price had supernatural powers? And here I was, thinking he was just an actor…

Go! Go! Toto go!

Bye bye Koko! [waves]

And as a special bonus, here is Episode 6 – “The Seed Drill”.

I’m not only posting this to make up time, but also because it’s an odd episode and I’m not sure it would stand too well on its own…

It’s a history lesson with a difference.

And the lesson is Jethro Tull. The real Jethro Tull. Watch and you’ll see…

Hint: You will appreciate it a whole lot more if you’ve watched Episode One.

Is it wrong that I can name every Jethro Tull song included on the soundtrack? I feel like such a tragic…

Yacht Rock 1 – “What A Fool Believes”
Yacht Rock 2 – “Keep The Fire”
Yacht Rock 3 – “I’m Alright”
Yacht Rock 4 – “Rosanna”

Yacht Rock Online

 

Coming in Episode Seven: Dr Dre saves Michael McDonald? Can it be true? (Michael sure does need a lot of saving…)

 

Song Of The Day – Jethro Tull – Songs FromThe Wood

Vibrator = Hysterically, No Hysteria…

 

I’ve had an awful week. It did get better and yes, I am going to talk about sex toys, but first I’m going to have a little whinge. So, nerr.

It was so very awful at the beginning of the week that the pose I adopted for the whole of Monday was somewhat reminiscent of Cameron in “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”, after he crashes the Ferarri; lying prone on the couch under a blanket with my eyes closed.

What was wrong? Oh, nothing I’d want to bore you with. Things were either going wrong, had gone wrong or were (in my mind) about to go wrong. You know how it is.

Interpersonal strife does my head in.

I also thought my cat had cancer. On Sunday night I discovered a huge lump that appeared to be growing out of his ribcage. I was (internally) quite beside myself. I love my cat. On Monday I took him to the vet:

“Who do we have here?”

“This is Bilbo”

“Hello Bilbo. My, aren’t you a big boy? What seems to be wrong with Bilbo?”

“He has a big lump on his chest. It’s really big. It’s internal, not on his skin”

“Ok, let’s have a look, shall we? Where is it exactly?”

[points]

“Here.”

“That’s his sternum.”

“Oh.”

[barely concealed smirk from the vet type person]

“I can still take an x-ray if you like.”

“Um, no thanks. I’ll be going now…”

So, there we have the latest addition to Vanessa’s Omnibus of Embarrassing Moments. I mean, I might as well have gone to the doctor and said “I’ve got a lump growing out of my foot”, to be told, “That’s your toe.”

Well, on the bright side, my cat doesn’t have cancer. Big huggles to Firm, who has not been so fortunate this week…

Today, I feel pretty good. Everything is sorted and working well. Nobody is pissed off with anybody anymore and all is well in the world. Amazing how things can turn around.

So, as is my wont, I celebrated with a bit of retail therapy.

And what did I buy?

Vibrators.

Plural.

I thought it was time I updated my collection. One of my old favourites (a bullet for those playing at home – mine was the blue one) died recently and it was definitely time to find a replacement. I didn’t want to buy another bullet, because I had, at times, found it a little difficult to keep hold of, as many women who have owned one may understand. Something with a bit more of a handle was in order.

I usually buy such implements in person at a chain of adult stores here in the city. They are staffed by women and everytime I shop there, I end up having a blast with the girl behind the counter. Vibrators, boxes and batteries strewn everywhere, because they don’t at all mind removing items from their packaging and handing them to you for a test run. Hah! I’m not kidding, although the testing tends to be more on the fingers and tip of the nose than anywhere else. I also think it’s quite fun to observe the men skulking around the dvd section, obviously quite intimidated by two women talking quite openly about their preferences in regards to the inclusion of pearls in a vibrator, or which stimulator provides more bang for your buck…

This time, for something different, I decided to surf the range of Australian adult stores online. It took me an entire evening and I almost gave up at one point because the range was so enormous I just about ran out of steam, until I noticed at one particular site that there were…. free gifts! Woohoo! I ended up buying not one, but three vibrators… and the free gift makes four. Go me!

I guess the free gift kind of makes up for the fact that my package didn’t arrive today. Which means that I have to wait until after the weekend. Which kinda sucks because I was going to take an abstract photo of my purchases to show you. So much for Overnight Express. Oh, well. Use your imagination.

So, whilst we’re on the subject, I thought I’d give a quick dissertation on the history of the vibrator. I’m sure most of you know that they’ve been around for a very, very long time and were orignally used to treat what was known as “Hysteria” in women. That is, sexual arousal and PMS (often go hand in hand – at least they do for me).

I saw a great little Australian doco on SBS a couple of weeks ago called Turn Me On: The History Of The Vibrator. You can watch it for yourself by clicking on the link – it’s only 17 minutes long, (I’m really taken with the music they used for the soundtrack, heh), but if you can’t be bothered watching it, I’ll relay a few interesting facts I gleaned from this short, yet very informative documentary.

• The Hysterical Paroxysm – better known now as the orgasm, was the temporary cure, or preferred outcome of the disease called Hysteria, which was caused by sexual deprivation in passionate women. Nun’s seemed to suffer from it a lot… And they talk about blue balls! In 200AD, it was recommended by the ancient Greek physcian Galen that massaging the genitals be used as a treatment for Hysteria. This was a strictly medical condition.
• Doctors only, were qualified to “treat” Hysteria until the early 20th century. Women were not to treat themselves, as masturbation was considered evil. Sex was solely considered to be penile penetration of a woman, by a man.
• Vibration was considered very useful to create the “Paroxysm” by the medical profession. Before electricity, doctors used enormous steam powered vibrators, pedal driven models (terribly tiring for the poor fellow), then came the handle powered models, which looked disturbingly like a manual drill.

This is one version that is not so much like a drill…, but still what a chore!

Those poor doctors…

Here is an air compressed model from the late 19th century:

Interesting attachments, no? Already looking vaguely familiar, yet still horribly speculum-like…

• The invent of the electric vibrator was a boon for doctors. They were overjoyed. If a doctor had an electronic vibrator, they could have women in and out of the surgery within about 10 minutes, thereby quadrupling their profit margin. It was a revolving door situation with women you see, because they were never able to be cured, due to the nature of the “disease”…

Here is a 1906 version of an electric vibrator. It’s not the famous Veedee vibrator, which bore a frightening resemblance to a circular sander, but it still has that drill appeal:

A bit bloody scary looking if you ask me…. Anyone up for a good drilling? Or a Paroxysm, perhaps?

• Advertisements for all these apparatus appeared in women’s magazines all over the world. Needlework magazines, journals, you name it. Doctors were treating women for Hysteria up until the 1920’s. It wasn’t until the 1950’s that Hysteria was written out of medical journals as being an official “disease”.

Here is an early battery operated vibrator, circa 1950’s (minus the various attachments). Of course it was marketed to smooth out those pesky facial wrinkles…

• During the documentary, an interesting modern-day observation was added by a middle-aged male gynaecologist: “A woman who has never climaxed is extremely unlikely to climax with anything but a proper vibrator.” Personally, I wouldn’t know, but it seems likely in many cases. I found my way to it in my mid-teens…

Are you vibrated beyond all recognition now? I would be if I were you. If it took you .001% of the time to read it as it took me to put this together, I wouldn’t blame you if you never wanted to lay eyes on another vibrator….. Bloody fiddly blogs.

‘Ave a bonza weekend, my sweet things… and indulge yourself, if you will…

Thanks to Vibrator Museum for the photos…

Oh, and happy first day of winter to my fellow southern hemisphere dwellers…:)

 

Song Of The Day – Frank Zappa – Dynamo Hum

Vinyl Beauties 2

I love vinyl.

I have loads of it. So much that it’s becoming a bit of a problem, because I move house so often… but I can’t seem to part with any of my records.

More about that here:

Vinyl Beauties – Part 1

And here is Part Deux. Not before time, I know. I’ve gathered such a huge collection of dodgy album covers online, that it may take me a year to post them all….

Yay!

I chose these ones at random.  I closed my eyes and clicked.

First off the block we have:

Is her neck broken? Or perhaps her back?

I’ve been doing aerobics on and off for 20 years and I can quite safely say that this particular move has never been part of any routine I’ve followed. In fact, I used to throw my head around like that when I was dancing in my misspent youth, and all the favours it did me, was ongoing neck and back problems. I wonder how she’s doing these days..?

Is my interpretation of digital timing wrong, or is that a 20 second workout? Ah, 20 minutes. Oh, well… if I’d end up with a body like hers, I might just try it…

It was seen on TV, after all…

Astronauts in gaily coloured suits and multicoloured women from outer space (those curly antennae never work well, in my experence). Apparently they’re thrilling the ladies with gifts. What those gifts are, are anyone’s guess. I think they’re cocktails…? In brandy balloons. Hey, brandy is brown, man! I hate being misrepresented, don’t you?

I’m always up for an escapade, though. Especially in space.

I bags being the pink lady…

Nice to be with you too, Jim. Didn’t your mother ever tell you it was rude to point?

Smug bastard.

Their name is Omega, in case you didn’t get it from the prominently placed symbol. I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t, because it wasn’t the first thing I noticed…

I think they guy with the blond frizz and I have the same hairdresser….

Is the guy on the right wearing a frock? It’s all very odd. They must be Scandinavian.

Just because I’ve been so active in my garden this week, I had to choose this one (the only one I actually chose). I always play music whist I’m pottering amongst the living things, but I hadn’t considered playing them Dr George’s music when I’m not around. Maybe that’s why my snow peas died overnight?

Does the fact he is a doctor, have any bearing on his horticultural skills? Maybe he’s a Doctor of Wilting Indoor Plants…

Arright. That’s it for another episode, my lovelies.

Feel free to make your own interpretations…

Song Of The Day – Scott Matthews – Elusive

Ready, Set, EUROVISION!

Pop the champagne and fire up the popcorn maker…. it’s Eurovision!

A high-camp feast of musical mayhem and predictable political prejudices and persuasions. A boon for the bookmakers. An excuse for the European pop music community to drink copious amounts of alcohol and rub uglies. An opportunity for European dancers to grin maniacally and display their interpretive dancing skills. A chance for European set designers to let their penchant for garish colours and flashing lights run free. A night for female performers to wear costumes so brief and wispy so as to get a chill in their kidneys.

Not familiar with the Eurovision Song Contest? Abba had their big break when they won it back in the 70’s with their ostentasiously costumed rendition of ‘Waterloo’.

It is the highlight of my television viewing year. Better even, than the AFL Grand Final. 3 1/2 hours of laugh-til-your-cheeks-hurt, cringe-worthy bliss. This show is FUNNY. F.U.N.N.Y. Thanks, in large part to the wonderful commentary of British tv/radio icon Terry Wogan. Sardonic, dry, and very, very witty with his lovely lilting Irish accent. He ought to be good. He’s been commentating Eurovision for nearly 40 years…

Every year, Eurovision unintentionally takes on a different theme. Most years at least 90% of the songs feature something in common. Last year just about every person on stage was wearing white. This year, was the year of gothic overtones and pyrotechnics, thanks to the stylings of last year’s winners, Lordi from Finland.

This is the video of Lordi’s winning performace from last year. So much fun. Watch. You won’t regret it. Hard Rock Hallelujah! [how they don't all go up in flames towards the end, is still quite beyond me...]

Eurovision is watched by over 600 million people worldwide and has a cult following in Australia. We don’t take part in it, for obvious reasons, so we have no vested interest, but the people of Europe take it all terribly seriously, which is funny in itself. We just sit and laugh our boxes off at the supreme kitschness of it all and Sir Wogan’s witticisms.

There are heats and semi-finals in every country that takes part; it goes on and on for months, but the Grand Prix de Europe (er, Grand Final), is open to only 24 countries. The format of the show runs in two parts. First, all 24 countries perform their respective and universally puke-worthy songs. Second half of the programme is the vote. We’ll get to that part.

First, I’ll share some stills of a few choice acts chosen to represent their respective countries:

BULGARIA

It’s the Bulgarian Sheila E and the Mulletman. Ok, his name isn’t really Mulletman, but he does have rather spectacular hair. It’s all about percussion…

UNITED KINGDOM

Honestly. CAN they be serious? Just look at them. This lot make Bucks Fizz look like The Beatles. The UK are given a free pass to the Eurovision final every year, along with Germany, France and Spain. Their entries are almost universally TERRIBLE. The thing that concerns me most, is that the songs selected to represent each country are chosen by the general public… I thought Morrissey was supposed to get a gander this year? What happened?!

GERMANY

Last year, Germany did a Country & Western song, complete with cowboy outfits. This year the flavour was Big Band Swing. In German. How very…. Brecht. Not.

BELARUS

A chintzy pseudo rock song of the highest order, sung by a young man bearing an uncanny resemblance to Princess Diana. Complete with chorus:

Work your magic

You set my beating heart in motion

Will you cast your loving potion

Over me

I rest my case.

GEORGIA

Georgia’s first ever Eurovision Grand Final appearance. It wasn’t half bad, either, if not a bit strange to look at. A couple of energetic, spinning Cossacks waving swords about and a pretty woman in a red dress, singing a kind of electro-goth anthem. I guess you had to be there….

MOLDOVA

This is probably best illustrated by Terry Wogan’s introduction:

“There’s a lot of impetuous head-shaking and scarf-waving, and it’s the outfit of the evening, lads, from Natalia. Altogether now, when she’s finished playing the fiddle, I want you to shout….”PULL UP YOUR TROUSERS!!”"

Then, when the song was over:

“We can only hope her mother wasn’t watching that.. [chuckles]. That was quite frightening…”

FORMER YUGOSLAV REPUBLIC OF MACEDONIA

Aren’t you glad you don’t live there? It would take you ten years just to say where you lived. I include this young lady, because she had the longest legs and shortest skirt of the evening, by a long shot. There was even a fairly decent shot of her arse at one point, which thrilled my husband no end. Gotta love those Eurobabes.

HUNGARY

Hungary sings the blues. Maybe they are hung(a)ry? Ok, that was possibly the lamest joke ever uttered, even in the name of Eurovision., but that’s what it does to you. I swear.

Did I mention how wonderful this all looked on the 42″ inch Plasma? Fan-bloody-tastic.

The second half of the show is made up of the voting process, where they cross to 42 separate countries by satellite link to have a short chat and get the results of the telephone votes from the public, via some local tv celebrity. You’d think it would be quite torturous, but it’s actually very amusing. Partly because so many of the votes are so utterly predictable with neighbouring countries and political allies voting for each other, often with complete disregard to the quality of the act they’re voting for. Croatia gives top votes to Bosnia & Herzogovina and vice versa, Iceland votes for Finland, Moldova votes for Romania, Belarus for Russia, Cyprus for Greece… you get the picture. There was an even more apparent voting block going on this year between the Eastern European countries, not helped that there were two new additions to the fray.

Despite the bias and the accompanying tutting and pffting, it all seems to work out in the end.

What really tickles me is that the poor old UK, France and Germany really don’t have any friends to give them the big points, so they just pick up the odd stray vote along the way. Everybody say “awwwwwww”, heh.

SERBIA

This year, Serbia came out on top, by a fairly decent margin with a heart wrenching power ballad to rival all power ballads, sung by a bunch of women in drag, looking like refugees from the island of Lesbos who all seem to have had a nasty accident with the same curling iron:

UKRAINE

… but this is who should have won! If you only watch one of these videos, make it Verka! Hilarious! I’m in love. I want to have his babies. It’s taken me so long to put this blog up because I’ve spent most of the week so far watching Verka videos on YouTube. Best Eurovision song, EVER. It even gives Lordi a run for their money…. WATCH IT. I dare you! [titter]

Only in Europe, could millions of people vote a bunch of women in drag, and a cross dressing man into first and second place in such a political minefield of a song contest. I love it.

So, that pretty much wraps up Eurovision for another year. There were more videos I wanted to include, and if you want to see more, there are loads of great, chuckle-worthy performances on YouTube.

Serbia – 268

Ireland – 5

Oh, stuff it. Here’s one more. This is Switzerland’s entry which didn’t make it past the Semi Final, even though it was tipped as a hot favourite. It cracks me up. The artist is DJ Bobo (which is funny in itself), and the song is…. well, quite surreal. ‘Vampires Are Alive”. Just see it for yourself. Personally I’m quite fond of the shop mannequins in the background.

If you still can’t get enough, check out this blog here. It’s a cracker and it was written by an American who has never felt the sheer elation that a Eurovision final can bring, yet still manages to intrinsically appreciate the supreme cheesiness of it all. 

Song Of The Day – Verka Serduchka – Dancing Lasha Tumbai

I don’t shop for clothes…

It was my birthday in February.

I know, you most likely missed it.

Don’t worry, there’s always next year….

Every year on my birthday, I am given a sizeable shopping voucher for my favourite shop in Perth, 78 Records.

78’s is brilliant. My cup of tea, entirely. It’s a huge place, for Perth. Two stories full of CD’s, DVD’s, books and all kinds of other paraphenalia, all waay left of centre.

When I was neck-high in the music industry, this was the coolest place to take bands for an instore appearance. I had a fine old time babysitting Weezer for a couple of days, and that equated to 78’s most successful instore appearance to date. 700+ people spilling out the door. It was a crazy day. They played an acoustic set. If I could be bothered uploading photos, I would….

Yay!

(it’s very nice to get gushing, congratulatory notes from head office…)

I become very, very excited at the prospect of going to 78’s and having money to spend…

 

Doesn’t look like much, I know. This is only a corner. I was a bit iffy about getting told off for taking pictures…

 

After shopping, it was time for some lunch…. (who thinks they’ll mind me giving them a plug? heh)

 

…and a beer… or several. Little Creatures make some of the best beers on the planet. They’re based here and I know people in other parts of the world, who are so very knowledgable about beer, and they will agree….

 

And, it’s on to the purchases. [blissful sigh]

 

I couldn’t believe my luck finding this. Love are one of my favourite bands of all time. They were around in the 60’s and are completely and totally underrated. Oh, Arthur Lee, for you are my hero….

 

He died late last year. It was a sad day.

 

Ol’ Hunter is a jolly good writer and I love me some boozy adventures….

 

Hehe. I also have a thing for B Z-grade schlock horror…..

 

Speaking of which….. A Russ Meyer favourite. Nude ladies, crazy psychedelia and murder. What more can you ask for?

 

(Not to be confused with Jacqueline Sussan’s ‘Valley of the Dolls’, parody aside…)

 

Brilliant film. It’s what I imagine life to be like on a submarine in wartime, and is highly regarded in terms of realism. Tommy, care to comment?

 

I haven’t seen this for nearly 20 years. For someone like me, who feels very at home blissing out in a mid-late ’60’s kind of way, it’s essential. Born at the wrong time…

 

I’ve never heard of this film. It’s Australian. It just tickled my fancy so much that I bought it simply by viewing the cover art. I’m thinking, poor man’s ‘Tommy’, minus the music… or maybe with some. It has impressive musical credentials, if you’re Australian. I haven’t watched it yet. It’s probably unwatchable, but I’m a curious cat…..

 

Silverchair are mostly regarded overseas as a teenage grunge band from Oz, made good. That was 15 years ago. They grew up. They started working with Van Dyke Parks (think, good Beach Boys) on their last album, Diorama. Stuff happened. It was good. Very good. Daniel Johns is a fucking genius. He grew up in a way nobody would have expected. I could go on about where that came from, but I’d bore you. What I will say is, there was a lot of physical pain associated with that, and all that goes with it. This is their new album.

 

I was sitting on a balcony. The day looked like this down below :

 

 

… and there was good food to be eaten. So very good…

 

 

 

Then there was more beer…. (and wine)

 

 

 

 

After that, things looked a little wobbly….

 

 

 

 

… but I managed to take a dodgy photo of myself in the lav…

 

 

 

[Photo of self removed due to overwhelming feelings of utter self disgust]

 

 

Ok, that’s it. The ending has changed now since I removed that photo and I have an horrendous hangover.

 

Ow.

 

 

Song Of The Day – Magic Dirt – Pace it

 

PS I’m tired of battling with the spacing on posts. If anyone wants to give me a tutorial, I’m up for it, but other than that…. deal with it. As I know you willl…

 

 

Let’s Disco…. Baby

So, Jules and I were having a conversation on one of my blogs, about cheesy videos on YouTube.

She told me, she’d just been watching a video on ‘How to do ‘The Hustle”.  

Y’know…. the disco dance craze from the ’70’s.

I was then reminded of one of my favourite videos in the vast YouTube cannon. 

Oh, it just thrills me…

I’m not quite sure what that says about me, except that I have an extreme fetish for CHEEEZE.

I’m a bit of a disco queen, myself.  Ever since I picked up a second hand vinyl copy of ‘Let’s Disco!’ and the accompanying instructional book around 15 years ago. 

“Step round, back, and together with the right…”  

I should offer lessons.  Any takers?

Although, I may not be as good as the man with the smooth moves in this video… 

I also don’t recall ever learning that step he does in the last 30 seconds.  I wonder if it has a name?  You have to admit, it’s fairly impressive…. [snicker]

Now, make sure you have your dancing shoes ready.  Those Finnish peeps really know how to get their groove on….

**WARNING:  Do not eat or consume fizzy beverages for the duration of this video.

I’m in love with all the ladies’ shoes…

I’m also intrigued as to how the woman goes through all the instructional part at the beginning, only to jig about doing her own thing when the party really gets going.  What’s all that about?

Those crazy Scandinavians…

 

Coming soon:  EUROVISION!!!  YAY!!!!

 

Song Of The Day – Van McCoy – The Hustle