Hello. My name is Vanessa, and I am slightly unusual.
Well, maybe a little more than slightly…
I happily sit outside the circle, to the left. It’s where I’ve always lived. It’s nice. They know me here.
I’m not crazy. I just like different things to ‘most people’.
I like Test Patterns.
I really do.
I even have a favourite Test Pattern.
Check it out:
When I was a kid I would always wake up too early for TV and this is what I saw when I turned on the box. Can you see why I was fascinated? A spooky looking little girl who always looked to me like her head was about to begin turning 360’s, and as for that clown thing…. I’m not generally afraid of clowns, I just think they’re stupid. But that weirdo clown paired with the girl like they’re ACTUALLY PLAYING NOUGHTS AND CROSSES, that creeped me the fuck out, like it’s alive or something. And, what is with that clown’s body??
Useless trivia: This Test Pattern has a name. It’s ‘Test Card F’, and it’s a creation of the BBC in the UK. They’re playing noughts and crosses so the TV cameras could have something to focus on in the centre of the picture. Hence, the placement of the ‘X’.
Then there’s this one:
Familiar to viewers of televisual pictures in 30 different countries. Not seen quite so often these days, due to most TV stations broadcasting 24 hours. I like the geometric shapes and vague optical illusions. I like the colours and shades. It makes me feel warm and fuzzy, like my favourite teddy bear. No, I’m not kidding.
So, imagine my joy at finding this for sale online:
Orrrrhhh! Test Pattern Watch!!
I’m tempted…. Oh, so tempted….
Song Of The Day: Sigur Ros – Glosoli