You like what??

Hello.  My name is Vanessa, and I am slightly unusual.

Well, maybe a little more than slightly…

I happily sit outside the circle, to the left.  It’s where I’ve always lived.  It’s nice.  They know me here.

I’m not crazy.  I just like different things to ‘most people’.

I like Test Patterns.


I really do.

I even have a favourite Test Pattern.

Check it out:


When I was a kid I would always wake up too early for TV and this is what I saw when I turned on the box.  Can you see why I was fascinated?  A spooky looking little girl who always looked to me like her head was about to begin turning 360’s, and as for that clown thing….  I’m not generally afraid of clowns, I just think they’re stupid.  But that weirdo clown paired with the girl like they’re ACTUALLY PLAYING NOUGHTS AND CROSSES, that creeped me the fuck out, like it’s alive or something.   And, what is with that clown’s body?? 

Useless trivia:   This Test Pattern has a name.  It’s ‘Test Card F’, and it’s a creation of the BBC in the UK.  They’re playing noughts and crosses so the TV cameras could have something to focus on in the centre of the picture.  Hence, the placement of the ‘X’. 

Then there’s this one:


Familiar to viewers of televisual pictures in 30 different countries.  Not seen quite so often these days, due to most TV stations broadcasting 24 hours.   I like the geometric shapes and vague optical illusions.  I like the colours and shades.  It makes me feel warm and fuzzy, like my favourite teddy bear.  No, I’m not kidding.

So, imagine my joy at finding this for sale online:


Orrrrhhh!   Test Pattern Watch!!

I’m tempted…. Oh, so tempted….

Song Of The Day:   Sigur Ros – Glosoli


  1. Tim said,

    April 5, 2007 at 3:17 pm

    That was awesome. Reading your stuff is great, and I do indeed understand, even feel your reactions to the test patterns.

  2. Vanessa said,

    April 5, 2007 at 6:59 pm

    Yay! I didn’t expect any reaction to a blog about test patterns… You’ve made my day 🙂

    Thanks for reading, Tim.

  3. Tommy said,

    April 6, 2007 at 4:04 am

    Test patterns kinda freak me out. No particular reason, I didn’t have a tragic test pattern related accident as a child or anything like that. They just do.

  4. Vanessa said,

    April 6, 2007 at 4:17 am

    Soooo… clowns and test pattterns, eh?

    I reckon that first one would have been a bit of a freaky bonanza for ya…

    [takes notes]

  5. Tommy said,

    April 6, 2007 at 4:22 am

    Ya, that one definitely creeped me out. Almost as bad as dogs wearing clothes. They have fur, they don’t need outfits dammit!

  6. Vanessa said,

    April 6, 2007 at 4:27 am

    Ohhhh… you didn’t see my last blog on MySpace. I had some wicked chimp-dressed-and-behaving-like-humans action going on.

    Ever see Lancelot Link: Secret Chimp?

    I hate animals in clothes, but that crazy chimp…..

    I reckon I can dig up a chimp or a dog dressed as a clown….

  7. Tommy said,

    April 6, 2007 at 4:34 am

    I’ve seen Lancelot Link. I never thought that show was funny. Maybe the humor (or humour) was just too cerebral for me.

  8. Vanessa said,

    April 6, 2007 at 4:41 am

    You know what? I didn’t think it was funny as a kid either, but I’ve watched it recently and it’s actually surprisingly quick and clever. Riddled with humour that would go way over the heads of little people…. It was written by the guys who wrote Get Smart and Gilligan’s Island. Ok, not such a great reference there, but…

    Then there’s the Evolution Revolution. That band is HOT, mate… 😉

    psst… music’s pretty good. No joke!

  9. Jules said,

    April 7, 2007 at 5:59 am

    Oooh, they had the same test pattern in Aus as in the UK! That clown used to freak me out too. Not enough to stop me from looking at it for ages over and over again though. I used to always wonder why neither of them had put a nought or a cross in the middle square. Everyone knows if you want to win you have to do that…

    Hahaa! A test pattern watc…what a find!

  10. Vanessa said,

    April 7, 2007 at 6:03 am

    Yay, it’s you!! Teehee!

    Haha yeah! I only found out recently that it came from the BBC. I always thought it was Australian. It was strangely hypnotic, wasn’t it? I reckon I spent days looking at that thing, if you added up all the hours..

    That used to frustate me about the naughts and crosses too.. haha.

    I love that watch. I WANT THAT WATCH!

  11. Anonymous said,

    April 9, 2007 at 5:27 am

    Ooooh! I’m officially a PEEKER.
    It feels good.
    Nice work, even if “slightly unusual” 🙂
    David (Find Her)

  12. Vanessa said,

    April 9, 2007 at 7:02 am

    Ahhh shurrup you! David Find Her, indeed…

    A peeker you are. An anointed peeker, no less. Especially when you leave comments anonymously. Hehe.

    *sigh* I know. I’m a freak. What’s a girl to do?

    Thank you for stopping by, Sir. xxx

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