Showdown at the Tulip Corral

The weather was fine for the first time in weeks. A near month of rain had caused flowers to bloom and inhabitants to crawl up the walls with cabin fever. A couple of decent storms had filled the swimming hole with debris and the garden was wild and weather beaten.

Bilbo stepped tentatively from the window that was always left open for him, even in the most biting chill. He wasn’t keen on the cold and preferred to sleep, eat and not much else in the winter months. His humans still liked to give him the option to go outside as he pleased. Mostly because they didn’t like to change the litter box too often.

Today was different.

Today, it was sunny. Flowers were blooming, in anticipation for the spring and the sparse warmth of the sun gave new life.

However, Bilbo wasn’t interested in flowers.

He liked clay.

The sun, the clay and the close proximity to chlorine made for a strange chemical reaction in Bilbo.

It was a perfect day.

Before long, Bilbo’s brother Spiffy had a similar idea, yet only simliar in the sense that he wanted to be outdoors on such a glorious day. Spiffy loved to be outside and had been terribly frustrated at all that water falling from the sky ruining his important business.

Immediately on stepping through the window, Spiffy spied his brother and strolled over to say hello.

Spiffy told Bilbo that he was going over the fence to take care of some long overdue business. Bilbo thought he’d take advantage of the peace and quiet, and have a bit of a lie down and enjoy the afternoon sun.

Little did he know, Spiffy had other ideas.

Nobody likes being stalked with stealth, no matter the intention.

Spiffy snuck up from behind. “BOO! HAHAHA!!”

He gave Bilbo an awful fright.

Bilbo was livid. “Don’t EVER sneak up on me like that!! I’ve told you too many times! Leave me alone!!”

Spiffy was beginning to enjoy his little game.

“Hehe, got ya a beauty!”

“Fuck you Spiffy! I’ve got a foot and I’m not afraid to use it!”

“Oh yeah? Let’s see what you’ve got…”

Bilbo launched a swift kick at Spiffy’s sternum.

“Owww! You didn’t have to hurt me!”

“Hah! Now who’s “got” who?” said Bilbo. “And just for that, I’m going to show you my scary face!!”

Spiffy was taken aback, but only momentarily.

“Pfft” he scoffed. “You call that a scary face? I’ll show you scary…!!”

“Right! That’s it!!” growled Bilbo. “It’s on!!”

And so it was at the Tulip Corral.



Song Of The Day – The Cure – A Forest



  1. D. Peace said,

    August 4, 2007 at 12:40 am

    Very funny and very cute. Don’t let Michael Vick see it, however, as it may give him ideas.

    What talented kung-fu masters. Have you allowed your cats to watch the movie KILL BILL? Those moves look familiar…

    Weird coincidence: I also listened “A Forest” by the Cure just a couple days ago. Strange.

  2. lovesleftovers said,

    August 4, 2007 at 1:15 am

    I love it! It’s clever, funny and extremely descriptive. Great narrative to go along with the beautiful pictures!

  3. stripper said,

    August 4, 2007 at 5:30 am

    More cat posts please!

  4. Vanessa said,

    August 4, 2007 at 7:48 am

    D. Peace – Heh, I had to look up Michael Vick (I’m Australian)… and you’re not wrong, hah! I’d better keep an eye on them lest they be kidnapped and sold into illegal cat fighting rings.

    Actually, funny you should mention movies, because one of their favourite games is “Crouching Spiffy, Hidden Bilbo”. It’s an uncanny reinactment.

    Thanks for stopping by. 🙂

    Oh, and that is an interesting co-incidence about the song. Particularly being on the other side of the world…

  5. Vanessa said,

    August 4, 2007 at 7:49 am

    lovesleftovers – I’m glad you liked it! I just couldn’t resist using those pictures somehow. I took them yesterday afternoon and those facial expressions got me…

  6. Vanessa said,

    August 4, 2007 at 7:51 am

    stripper – ask and ye shall receive, my dear. I’ve not bothered to post much in the way of cat photos because I thought people would be bored…. heh, shows how much I know….

  7. D. Peace said,

    August 4, 2007 at 5:43 pm

    “Crouching Spiffy, Hidden Bilbo” made me laugh out loud. 🙂 Nicely done. You win my Seal of Funny.

  8. awaywiththefairies said,

    August 4, 2007 at 11:12 pm

    I love this! Great pics and narrative, love. 😀

    I agree with Stripper, more cat posts!

  9. Vanessa said,

    August 5, 2007 at 4:49 am

    D.Peace – Wow, I am honoured. That is so much better than the cockroach of funny someone awarded me some time ago.

    Ok, I just made that up, but I thought I’d better shatter your illusions now, so expectations are low….


    Jules – Yay! Ok, I’ll keep it in mind. Everybody happy now? Good. 😛

  10. julian said,

    August 5, 2007 at 8:21 pm

    …oh the carnage…the wit-o-fun…i think i just pee’d myself…

  11. Vanessa said,

    August 6, 2007 at 2:18 am

    Hmm… is this a regular occurrence? I’d hate to be responsible for an outbreak of incontinence…

  12. julian said,

    August 7, 2007 at 4:31 pm

    aghhh haaaaa ha. …unfortunately, possibly…maybe…nahhh… i though incontinence was like if yoo pass-out…? ohhh… i got it all backwards.
    *your kitteh(z) looks a-kin to me kitteh, fur styles

  13. Vanessa said,

    August 7, 2007 at 5:27 pm

    ther is kitteh similariteez fur shur… do u think thay culd be relaytid..?

    In… in… inconshusment? inn.. innnn….. in ur pants! hahaa!

  14. Maree C said,

    August 12, 2007 at 5:33 am

    Hey Vanessa! I absolutely loved this. I really aprreciated it having purchased a new addition recently , Blush, the 4mth old kitty cat. Needless to say am having neverending fun watching her doing some serious “Bilbo” moves.
    Glad you’re alive and well. I couldnt’ remember where to find you on the blogoshphere so thanks for that Myspace visit. Looks liek you’re having more fun here too. Good onya lovey. xoxo

  15. Vanessa said,

    August 12, 2007 at 12:10 pm

    Mareeeee! Yay! Lovely to see you dahlink… You got a new poosycat! Awww…. Send me some pics!

    I’m always around, just maybe not where you expect… You have my details now, so keep in touch missus! xxx

  16. max said,

    November 19, 2007 at 7:30 pm

    “I’ve got a foot and I’m not afraid to use it!”

    That is hilarious. Love the scary face shot too. Too funny.

  17. Stiletto said,

    December 10, 2007 at 3:00 pm

    Yup, scary face shot is classic. This is great stuff, Vanessa.

  18. Vanessa said,

    January 19, 2008 at 9:50 pm

    Cheers, love. Glad you enjoyed it. Cats are so comical…. wait, didn’t somebody already cash in on that? Damn…

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