Showdown at the Tulip Corral

The weather was fine for the first time in weeks. A near month of rain had caused flowers to bloom and inhabitants to crawl up the walls with cabin fever. A couple of decent storms had filled the swimming hole with debris and the garden was wild and weather beaten.

Bilbo stepped tentatively from the window that was always left open for him, even in the most biting chill. He wasn’t keen on the cold and preferred to sleep, eat and not much else in the winter months. His humans still liked to give him the option to go outside as he pleased. Mostly because they didn’t like to change the litter box too often.

Today was different.

Today, it was sunny. Flowers were blooming, in anticipation for the spring and the sparse warmth of the sun gave new life.

However, Bilbo wasn’t interested in flowers.

He liked clay.

The sun, the clay and the close proximity to chlorine made for a strange chemical reaction in Bilbo.

It was a perfect day.

Before long, Bilbo’s brother Spiffy had a similar idea, yet only simliar in the sense that he wanted to be outdoors on such a glorious day. Spiffy loved to be outside and had been terribly frustrated at all that water falling from the sky ruining his important business.

Immediately on stepping through the window, Spiffy spied his brother and strolled over to say hello.

Spiffy told Bilbo that he was going over the fence to take care of some long overdue business. Bilbo thought he’d take advantage of the peace and quiet, and have a bit of a lie down and enjoy the afternoon sun.

Little did he know, Spiffy had other ideas.

Nobody likes being stalked with stealth, no matter the intention.

Spiffy snuck up from behind. “BOO! HAHAHA!!”

He gave Bilbo an awful fright.

Bilbo was livid. “Don’t EVER sneak up on me like that!! I’ve told you too many times! Leave me alone!!”

Spiffy was beginning to enjoy his little game.

“Hehe, got ya a beauty!”

“Fuck you Spiffy! I’ve got a foot and I’m not afraid to use it!”

“Oh yeah? Let’s see what you’ve got…”

Bilbo launched a swift kick at Spiffy’s sternum.

“Owww! You didn’t have to hurt me!”

“Hah! Now who’s “got” who?” said Bilbo. “And just for that, I’m going to show you my scary face!!”

Spiffy was taken aback, but only momentarily.

“Pfft” he scoffed. “You call that a scary face? I’ll show you scary…!!”

“Right! That’s it!!” growled Bilbo. “It’s on!!”

And so it was at the Tulip Corral.

 

 

Song Of The Day – The Cure – A Forest

I Got Flowers!

I am overjoyed.

No, nobody gave me flowers. I would be too busy dying of a heart attack if that happened, to post a blog.

I have flowers in my garden. Flowers that I planted myself.

FOR REAL, TRUE BLUE, FAIR DINKUM…

flowers.

I know it’s not quite normal to get excited over a few flowers. The world is full of flowers, after all… but if you had my appalling track record when it comes to having a level of responsibility high enough to keep a plant alive, you too would be excited. I could murder a plant at 20 paces just by looking at it. I’ve even killed a freaking cactus.

Strangely enough, I’ve never had the same problem with weeds…

I’m dead impressed that most of my bulbs have come up. Half the tulips are yet to be seen, but the jonquils are flowering already and the hyacinth’s are bursting forth.

Oh, check out the carrots. Remember the first one I pulled? You can just see that they’re ALL going to look like that. Poor little carrots.

Did you like my little slideshow? Apologies if the spinning photo’s made you dizzy, but they remind me of that spinning segue effect in the original Batman and I couldn’t resist. You gotta love the original Batman. Here’s the trailer for the 1966 movie. If you’ve never seen it, it’s a must. Hilarious.

Watch out for the Exploding Man Eating Shark. Holy sardine!!

Fantastic.

 

 

So.

 

I have now given birth to vegetables, flowers and cats.

 

Next stop……….children!

 

Eh, maybe not.

 

I don’t think anyone who includes Batman and carrots in the same blog, is qualified to be a parent.

 

 

 

Song of the Day – The Captain Matchbox Whoopie Band – If Youse A Viper

I Am Not Dead (Yet)

I have been sick.

Sicker than sick.

As sick as sick can be.

I am still sick.

It’s been 13 days now.

I’ve had enough.

[cough, splutter]

At least I am no longer coughing up blood. That was not fun.

Tonsillitis. And the Flu. And a generalised infection.

I haven’t felt this sick since I had Glandular Fever (Mono). I was in hospital for two weeks. Mainly because I had Viral Meningitis as well, but I was sick for months that time.

I hate being sick. [grumble, grumble]

Thankyou to everyone who has missed me. It feels good to be missed.

This is me:

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This happened a lot when I was at my worst:

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Breathing made me cry. Don’t even talk about swallowing…

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NOTHING helped (except the antibiotics). All these drugs are a ruse by the pharmaceutical companies to make a load of cash out of people’s suffering. Take note.

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I have done nothing but sleep and watch television and movies for 13 days. This is what my eyes look like now:

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Here is a list of movies I have watched. Some I barely remember due to my state of semi-lucidity, but I’ve seen most of them before anyway. Some of them more than a few times:

Mildred Pierce

T.I.S.M – Incontinent In Ten Continents

T.I.S.M – TV Primer

American Psycho

Bad Timing

The Virgin Suicides

Harold and Maude

The Taste Of Others

Sunset Boulevard

Inside Deep Throat

True Romance

In Her Shoes

ENRON – The Smartest Guys In The Room

Puberty Blues

Stoned

Love My Way – Series One

Monster

The 40 Year Old Virgin

I *heart* Huckabees

Shampoo

Don’t Look Now

Withnail & I

Hi Fidelity

Swing Time

The Birds

Shaun of the Dead

Thank You For Smoking

 

 

 

I will write more when I am able.

 

 

The cats always get the last word:

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Song Of The Day – Tex Williams – Smoke! Smoke! Smoke That Cigarette

Tiptoe Thru The Tulips (with me)

Alright, alright. I admit it. There’s not a lot of tiptoeing going on here, nor much in the way of tulips, for that matter….

… but I did spend a lovely couple of hours in the garden yesterday, planting some bulbs which had been sitting in the fridge for longer than the required 6 weeks. I’ve also just found out that they aren’t supposed to be stored in the crisper along with fruit and vegetables, as the fruit and veg gives of ethelyne gas which wrecks the bulbs.

Oops.

In case you can’t tell. I’m a novice gardener. The last time I planted a bulb was as part of a school project when I was 7 years old. Actually, that was the only time I’ve ever planted a flower…

Fingers crossed for these little beauties:

I mixed the pink and red tulips together and planted the rest in separate pots. Aren’t they the prettiest things?

Of course, now I know that you’re not supposed to store them with vegetables, you may see another photoblog with the bulbs looking exactly the same at the end of winter. [worried look] Fingers crossed…

See, I went to all this trouble…..

I got very, very dirty.

Nothing beats sinking your hands into soil..

Oh, well. If worse comes to worst, I still have my other lovelies. Yay for potted vegies! I’m in love with my tomatoes, chillies, onions, baby carrots, spring onions…..

[Spot the dead alien in my pool]

Speaking of tomoatoes…..

Yes, I know it’s just a tomato plant, but it’s MY tomato plant and it’s the first one I’ve ever grown. Well, make that the first six. They’re cherry tomatoes and there are six plants in that pot… and more tomatoes than I can count from here. So sweet and delicious….

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to make myself a salad for dinner…. 🙂

Song Of The Day – Patti Smith – Dancing Barefoot

It’s true what they say about gardening…

I used to really hate gardening. I could kill a plant at 20 paces, just by looking at it. I used to joke that I had a brown thumb. It all just seemed like an enormous chore to me.

Then, at the beginning of this year, I went through a strange and rather complicated metamorphosis*, which saw me turn into SUPER NAKED GARDENER.  I had a sudden urge to take my clothes off in the garden and plant things, often.  Fortunately, I got really lucky with the costume. Gardening is a dirty business and a cape would just get in the way.  

I’d heard people talk in whimsical and reverent tones about the wonders of working with the earth for most of my life, but my utter self absorption and short attention span never allowed me to truly discover the deep satisfaction that is to be had by sinking your hands into the dirt and nurturing a plant into bloom.

It’s true what they say. Gardening is a form of meditation. There is nothing else (with the possible exception of having an orgasm, oh and skinnydippng), that clears my mind in the same way, or takes me to such a simple place of pleasure and sheer enjoyment of life.

Ok, the pleasure principle is somewhat different between gardening and sex, but you get my drift, right?

I love planting. That’s my favourite part. I love mixing the different soils and mulch. I love digging my bare hands into the soil and letting the dirt fall through my fingers. I love popping the seedling out of the container to admire and gently free its delicate root structure. I love digging a little hole and placing the seedling, just so. I love giving them water and verbal encouragement daily. It matters not to me that they don’t have ears. They respond to my care.

Apricot RoseApricot Rose 2Azaleas

These flowers are blossoming in my garden right now. I can’t take credit for them, for the plants were here when I moved in — but if you click on them you’ll see they are very pretty, indeed.

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I have discovered my true love is growing edible plants. Flowers are nice, but there is nothing like eating food you have grown with your own loving care. This is a photo I took of some baby carrots I planted on 1 April.

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And this is how they look today, 12 days later. The rapid growth is almost like instant gratification, with a lesson on patience thrown in for good measure. I can’t wait to see what’s below the surface!

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I adore rocket. I could just munch on rocket leaves all day. This is my rocket 12 days ago…

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And here it is today. Growing like a rocket, no less! Yummm….! I’m having salad tonight….

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I’m so excited to taste these cherry tomatoes, I can barely stand it…. but they’re taking so long to turn red! I mean…. HOW MUCH LONGER?? There are around 20-30 of them in that pot and I’m loving that specific, pungent aroma of the tomato plant. It takes me back to my grandparent’s vegetable patch from childhood…

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Jalapeno’s anyone? I love chillies, but I’m not sure what I’m going to do with this many of them. There are about 10 on that one plant right now and more popping up every day. I guess I can always freeze or dry them… Don’t you love that green?

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This little fella makes me smile. Look at the way he’s climbing up the trellis all by himself. I thought I was going to have to tie him up, but it turns out he’s a very independent and capable little snow pea plant! If you look closely you can see 3 snow peas of varying sizes…

I’m also growing a lot of other things, like various herbs, red onions, and a lemon tree in a pot amongst other things — but we’d be here forever if I showed you them all. These are my star performers.

So, it seems I may have a green thumb, after all.  Who knew?  I think I was always going to have to be in a still and quiet place of personal transformation for the growth of a plant to become something I appreciate deeply.  It’s quite symbolic.

I also love that when it’s warm, I can just turn around and dive in the pool to get clean.

It’s the simple things…

Now, I have a question for you:

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I recently got hold of these rusty old buckets and I want to plant bulbs in them next week (jonquils, tulips and hyacinths). I’m really new at growing things and I don’t want to take any chances in terms of poisoning them, so I’m not keen on putting the soil directly in contact with the rust. Does anyone know of any product or method to coat the inside of the buckets to form a barrier between the metal and the soil? I’m thinking I might just have to line them with plastic….

I’d appreciate any ideas…

* My amazing metamorphosis may or may not be discussed at a later date. I’m a bit over talking about it for now.

Song Of The Day – Donovan – There Is A Mountain