I Am Not Dead (Yet)

I have been sick.

Sicker than sick.

As sick as sick can be.

I am still sick.

It’s been 13 days now.

I’ve had enough.

[cough, splutter]

At least I am no longer coughing up blood. That was not fun.

Tonsillitis. And the Flu. And a generalised infection.

I haven’t felt this sick since I had Glandular Fever (Mono). I was in hospital for two weeks. Mainly because I had Viral Meningitis as well, but I was sick for months that time.

I hate being sick. [grumble, grumble]

Thankyou to everyone who has missed me. It feels good to be missed.

This is me:

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This happened a lot when I was at my worst:

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Breathing made me cry. Don’t even talk about swallowing…

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NOTHING helped (except the antibiotics). All these drugs are a ruse by the pharmaceutical companies to make a load of cash out of people’s suffering. Take note.

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I have done nothing but sleep and watch television and movies for 13 days. This is what my eyes look like now:

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Here is a list of movies I have watched. Some I barely remember due to my state of semi-lucidity, but I’ve seen most of them before anyway. Some of them more than a few times:

Mildred Pierce

T.I.S.M – Incontinent In Ten Continents

T.I.S.M – TV Primer

American Psycho

Bad Timing

The Virgin Suicides

Harold and Maude

The Taste Of Others

Sunset Boulevard

Inside Deep Throat

True Romance

In Her Shoes

ENRON – The Smartest Guys In The Room

Puberty Blues

Stoned

Love My Way – Series One

Monster

The 40 Year Old Virgin

I *heart* Huckabees

Shampoo

Don’t Look Now

Withnail & I

Hi Fidelity

Swing Time

The Birds

Shaun of the Dead

Thank You For Smoking

 

 

 

I will write more when I am able.

 

 

The cats always get the last word:

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Song Of The Day – Tex Williams – Smoke! Smoke! Smoke That Cigarette

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My First Carrot

 

 

 

It’s a baby carrot. Shh.

 

Negative comments could damage his psyche.

 

 

P.S..Babies are cute and they taste good.

 

 

 

Song Of The Day – David Bowie – Look Back In Anger

Vinyl Beauties 3

Woohoo!

It’s the next installment of “Vinyl Beauties”.

Cheesy records make me happy. So very happy…

Vinyl Beauties 1
Vinyl Beauties 2

I have so many of these glorious album covers, I’m spoilt for choice. I also have no idea where each and every one of these was pinched from, but I figure it’s not from their original source, so it doesn’t really matter…

Let’s just get started, eh?

 

What episode of Vinyl Beauties would be complete without some gratuitous nudity? Although I have to say, that the title paired with the image does my head in a bit. I’m not sure I even want to go there…

What I do like is some of the song titles – which do make me suspect that this record was not made in all seriousness….

“Sadie’s Still Got The Rag On”, “He Forgot His Rubbers”, “Tony’s Got Hot Nuts”… and then there’s always “Things Are Soft For Grandma Since Grandpa’s Eighty-Four”

I think that young lady was a bit warm under the lights. What do you think?

Stunning.

 

Someone’s mother is handy with a crochet hook…

Strangely enough, the outfit on the guy in purple would look quite fashionable right now…. on a woman. I’m somewhat impressed with the crocheted cowboy hat, although that guy is looking like he wouldn’t be out of place on a website for foot fetishists.

Do you think they could have put the palm in a more attractive container? Or at least placed it so the ugly plastic pot wasn’t in shot. Maybe they were in a hurry because the funeral home was about to close…

 

 

Hmm. Where to start with this one? Who is Bob McFadden and who is “Dor”? Is it his sister? Are they in the photo? Who are those people?

Is their “Mummy” a fertile, petrified, musical superhero?

We can only speculate…

 

 

Heh, well I have no problem with the proclamation that Jesus is a “Soul Man”, but I reckon this lot are in need of some divine guidance to make them appear even vaguely soulful…

Note to Naomi: A-line skirts and horizontal stripes around the hip of a full figured woman are not flattering…

Are we seriously supposed to believe these men are brothers?

 

 

Looks like poor Effie is has hit the skids. Either that, or she’s/he’s impersonating me at around the 3rd bottle of champagne mark. A bottle and head in hand is never a good combination…

Hmm. Should I be worried?

So, how is it, Effie? Tell it like it is….

I’d say her feet are hurting. Check out the size of her shoes…

 

So there you have it for another edition of “Vinyl Beauties”.

 

I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. Feel free to throw in your own interpretations….

 

 

 

 

Song Of The Day – Turin Brakes – Slack

 

 

Yacht Rock 5 & 6 (bumper edition)

Yah, it’s been a while….

I’ve no excuse for slacking off with my postings of Yacht Rock, but I’m quite sure than no one but Jules will have noticed. Mind you, I do get a lot of search engine traffic for it, so it’s on with the show….

Let’s see. Where are we up to?

Ah, yes. Episode 5 – “I Believe In It”.

I’m quite fond of this one…

In this episode, these questions and more, may or may not be answered:

  1. Who really put the smooth in Michael Jackson? It appears a spear gun plays some part…
  2. How could Michael Jackson possibly be a catalyst for Kenny Loggins and Michael McDonald to kiss and make up?
  3. Who knew that Vincent Price had supernatural powers? And here I was, thinking he was just an actor…

Go! Go! Toto go!

Bye bye Koko! [waves]

And as a special bonus, here is Episode 6 – “The Seed Drill”.

I’m not only posting this to make up time, but also because it’s an odd episode and I’m not sure it would stand too well on its own…

It’s a history lesson with a difference.

And the lesson is Jethro Tull. The real Jethro Tull. Watch and you’ll see…

Hint: You will appreciate it a whole lot more if you’ve watched Episode One. 😉

Is it wrong that I can name every Jethro Tull song included on the soundtrack? I feel like such a tragic…

Yacht Rock 1 – “What A Fool Believes”
Yacht Rock 2 – “Keep The Fire”
Yacht Rock 3 – “I’m Alright”
Yacht Rock 4 – “Rosanna”

Yacht Rock Online

 

Coming in Episode Seven: Dr Dre saves Michael McDonald? Can it be true? (Michael sure does need a lot of saving…)

 

Song Of The Day – Jethro Tull – Songs FromThe Wood

Ready, Set, EUROVISION!

Pop the champagne and fire up the popcorn maker…. it’s Eurovision!

A high-camp feast of musical mayhem and predictable political prejudices and persuasions. A boon for the bookmakers. An excuse for the European pop music community to drink copious amounts of alcohol and rub uglies. An opportunity for European dancers to grin maniacally and display their interpretive dancing skills. A chance for European set designers to let their penchant for garish colours and flashing lights run free. A night for female performers to wear costumes so brief and wispy so as to get a chill in their kidneys.

Not familiar with the Eurovision Song Contest? Abba had their big break when they won it back in the 70’s with their ostentasiously costumed rendition of ‘Waterloo’.

It is the highlight of my television viewing year. Better even, than the AFL Grand Final. 3 1/2 hours of laugh-til-your-cheeks-hurt, cringe-worthy bliss. This show is FUNNY. F.U.N.N.Y. Thanks, in large part to the wonderful commentary of British tv/radio icon Terry Wogan. Sardonic, dry, and very, very witty with his lovely lilting Irish accent. He ought to be good. He’s been commentating Eurovision for nearly 40 years…

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Every year, Eurovision unintentionally takes on a different theme. Most years at least 90% of the songs feature something in common. Last year just about every person on stage was wearing white. This year, was the year of gothic overtones and pyrotechnics, thanks to the stylings of last year’s winners, Lordi from Finland.

This is the video of Lordi’s winning performace from last year. So much fun. Watch. You won’t regret it. Hard Rock Hallelujah! [how they don’t all go up in flames towards the end, is still quite beyond me…]

Eurovision is watched by over 600 million people worldwide and has a cult following in Australia. We don’t take part in it, for obvious reasons, so we have no vested interest, but the people of Europe take it all terribly seriously, which is funny in itself. We just sit and laugh our boxes off at the supreme kitschness of it all and Sir Wogan’s witticisms.

There are heats and semi-finals in every country that takes part; it goes on and on for months, but the Grand Prix de Europe (er, Grand Final), is open to only 24 countries. The format of the show runs in two parts. First, all 24 countries perform their respective and universally puke-worthy songs. Second half of the programme is the vote. We’ll get to that part.

First, I’ll share some stills of a few choice acts chosen to represent their respective countries:

BULGARIA

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It’s the Bulgarian Sheila E and the Mulletman. Ok, his name isn’t really Mulletman, but he does have rather spectacular hair. It’s all about percussion…

UNITED KINGDOM

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Honestly. CAN they be serious? Just look at them. This lot make Bucks Fizz look like The Beatles. The UK are given a free pass to the Eurovision final every year, along with Germany, France and Spain. Their entries are almost universally TERRIBLE. The thing that concerns me most, is that the songs selected to represent each country are chosen by the general public… I thought Morrissey was supposed to get a gander this year? What happened?!

GERMANY

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Last year, Germany did a Country & Western song, complete with cowboy outfits. This year the flavour was Big Band Swing. In German. How very…. Brecht. Not.

BELARUS

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A chintzy pseudo rock song of the highest order, sung by a young man bearing an uncanny resemblance to Princess Diana. Complete with chorus:

Work your magic

You set my beating heart in motion

Will you cast your loving potion

Over me

I rest my case.

GEORGIA

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Georgia’s first ever Eurovision Grand Final appearance. It wasn’t half bad, either, if not a bit strange to look at. A couple of energetic, spinning Cossacks waving swords about and a pretty woman in a red dress, singing a kind of electro-goth anthem. I guess you had to be there….

MOLDOVA

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This is probably best illustrated by Terry Wogan’s introduction:

“There’s a lot of impetuous head-shaking and scarf-waving, and it’s the outfit of the evening, lads, from Natalia. Altogether now, when she’s finished playing the fiddle, I want you to shout….”PULL UP YOUR TROUSERS!!””

Then, when the song was over:

“We can only hope her mother wasn’t watching that.. [chuckles]. That was quite frightening…”

FORMER YUGOSLAV REPUBLIC OF MACEDONIA

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Aren’t you glad you don’t live there? It would take you ten years just to say where you lived. I include this young lady, because she had the longest legs and shortest skirt of the evening, by a long shot. There was even a fairly decent shot of her arse at one point, which thrilled my husband no end. Gotta love those Eurobabes.

HUNGARY

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Hungary sings the blues. Maybe they are hung(a)ry? Ok, that was possibly the lamest joke ever uttered, even in the name of Eurovision., but that’s what it does to you. I swear.

Did I mention how wonderful this all looked on the 42″ inch Plasma? Fan-bloody-tastic.

The second half of the show is made up of the voting process, where they cross to 42 separate countries by satellite link to have a short chat and get the results of the telephone votes from the public, via some local tv celebrity. You’d think it would be quite torturous, but it’s actually very amusing. Partly because so many of the votes are so utterly predictable with neighbouring countries and political allies voting for each other, often with complete disregard to the quality of the act they’re voting for. Croatia gives top votes to Bosnia & Herzogovina and vice versa, Iceland votes for Finland, Moldova votes for Romania, Belarus for Russia, Cyprus for Greece… you get the picture. There was an even more apparent voting block going on this year between the Eastern European countries, not helped that there were two new additions to the fray.

Despite the bias and the accompanying tutting and pffting, it all seems to work out in the end.

What really tickles me is that the poor old UK, France and Germany really don’t have any friends to give them the big points, so they just pick up the odd stray vote along the way. Everybody say “awwwwwww”, heh.

SERBIA

This year, Serbia came out on top, by a fairly decent margin with a heart wrenching power ballad to rival all power ballads, sung by a bunch of women in drag, looking like refugees from the island of Lesbos who all seem to have had a nasty accident with the same curling iron:

UKRAINE

… but this is who should have won! If you only watch one of these videos, make it Verka! Hilarious! I’m in love. I want to have his babies. It’s taken me so long to put this blog up because I’ve spent most of the week so far watching Verka videos on YouTube. Best Eurovision song, EVER. It even gives Lordi a run for their money…. WATCH IT. I dare you! [titter]

Only in Europe, could millions of people vote a bunch of women in drag, and a cross dressing man into first and second place in such a political minefield of a song contest. I love it.

So, that pretty much wraps up Eurovision for another year. There were more videos I wanted to include, and if you want to see more, there are loads of great, chuckle-worthy performances on YouTube.

Serbia – 268

Ireland – 5

Oh, stuff it. Here’s one more. This is Switzerland’s entry which didn’t make it past the Semi Final, even though it was tipped as a hot favourite. It cracks me up. The artist is DJ Bobo (which is funny in itself), and the song is…. well, quite surreal. ‘Vampires Are Alive”. Just see it for yourself. Personally I’m quite fond of the shop mannequins in the background.

If you still can’t get enough, check out this blog here. It’s a cracker and it was written by an American who has never felt the sheer elation that a Eurovision final can bring, yet still manages to intrinsically appreciate the supreme cheesiness of it all.  😉

Song Of The Day – Verka Serduchka – Dancing Lasha Tumbai

Flash Cube Flashback!

I found this Kodak commercial from the 60’s. It thrills me.

It’s new! It’s now! It’s Flash Cube!

Help me…. I can’t stop go-go dancing…

Does anyone else remember flash cubes, or am I really starting to show my age? I was a child of the ’70’s and my first camera predated me, but I have very clear memories of those little cubes. You only got 4 flashes per cube…

Whatever you do, don’t blink!

This was my first camera:

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No frills, circa 1968-’73 with no built-in flash. It had a manual wind-on mechanism and I distinctly remember the resounding “click” when you pressed the shutter and the torturous process of winding back the film at the end of a roll. I used to think I was pretty special because my camera had two different settings for if it was sunny or overcast, as you can see in the picture above, just above the lens. It took crappy pictures, but I didn’t care. I took it everywhere with me. Nice to see nothing has changed in that regard…

Ohh, look! I found a picture of me with my trusty Instamatic 33:

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I still have the photos I took that day, which would illustrate beautifully the quality (or lack thereof) of the prints, but I couldn’t be arsed going through 30 boxes to find them. I think I still have the camera somewhere, too….

I am such a hoarder.

Song Of The Day – Cream – Tales Of Brave Ulysses

Yacht Rock #4

Greetings, groovers…

Yes, it’s that time again.

Time to pull on your deck shoes for another episode of Yacht Rock.

In this week’s episode, ‘Rosanna’, the following questions are posed, or answered (or not):

  1. Will Michael McDonald save himself from becoming an irrelevant joke? Or will someone do it for him, in the name of “chakra alignment”?
  2. Did I just see Christopher Cross’ head explode?
  3. Why did Steve Perry run away?

I just can’t get enough of those smooth montages…

Yacht Rock #1 – “What a Fool Believes”
Yacht Rock #2 – “Keep The Fire”
Yacht Rock #3 – “I’m Alright”

Yacht Rock online

Coming in episode 5: Michael and Kenny reunited? Could it be? What part might Michael Jackson and Vincent Price play in this miracle….?

Song Of The Day – Toto – Hold The Line